View Full Version : sexuality, treatment, and abuse history *trigger*

04-26-2012, 08:18 AM
Ever since I started telling my boyfriend about my childhood sexual abuse history about a year and a half ago, I have had a hard time with intimacy. Sometimes it's totally okay and I get aroused and the sex is great. Other times, it takes me a long time and I really have to focus to have an orgasm, and sometimes I have problems with vaginal lubrication.

It's very frustrating. I used grounding exercises, which help. I think when I started opening up about the sexual abuse, I started to realize how many other violent sexual relationships I've been involved in and how hard it is to actually find good times that I've had sex. Plus so many of my past sexual relationships have involved being drunk. Ugh. So I have to really tear apart the idea that not all sex is bad, I am not drunk - he's not drunk (we are both sober), etc.

I also feel embarassed by my sexuality, a lot of shame ... and get tense during any sort of sexual activity. I get triggered, as well. I have told him about some of this, but some of it I haven't because I feel stupid. I also focus on my body sometimes and am worried about "looking fat," which gets super frustrating.

I've tried masturbation and the same thing happens with that sometimes, too.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? Any tips?