View Full Version : My boss (for only a few more days) is falling in love with me...

04-18-2012, 05:41 PM
At my current job I hang out a lot with my boss. He is funny and seemed cool to hang around at work. Sometimes when I am in the area doing personal stuff I will by and say hi for a while.

I am in my lower twenties. I always go to work looking like crap because it is not the place where you wear your good clothes. However, I am always myself and that is nice. For whatever reason I feel confident there.

He is getting ready to enter a divorce with his wife. He is in his forties. He has two kids.

I suppose I am a good listener. I listen to a lot of what he has to say in an empathetic manner. I sense I am maybe the only person in his life who offers this.

Yesterday I stop by and we grab coffee. He talks about his relationship and we bitch about work because of the red tape issues.

Then afterwards texts me... he says something to the effect of wanting to say something but not knowing if he should. I encourage him to. He says he will or he will regret it.... then... "I am dangerously close to falling in love with an amazing young woman."
So I call my husband and ask wtf am I to say? So I text my boss back and basically let him know I am glad he thinks of me in a positive way and glad he felt he could be open.

That is weird because I never sensed that with our relationship!
He does know I am in a happy marriage too.

I know he tends to lie a lot... but most of me thinks this is the truth because...
-why else would he say that?
-while I am a hard worker, I can usually do whatever I want at work too and extra projects I feel like doing he always makes sure I get the stuff
-earlier he said that he has more in common with his part-time employee than his wife... in hindsight I think he was testing the water

This is awkward, but I only have three days left there. I am getting a new job. I do not think he really loves me... I think he is having a rough time with his wife, I listen to him, and those mixed with me leaving soon = saying he is falling in love with me.
But I gotta admit... it is flattering because I never tried to impress him in ways aside from work ethic. And the attention is nice. It is fun in fact. Is that bad?
I was planning on still keeping in contact with him after I left because I enjoy his personality... but does this mean I should not? My husband trusts me either way, but I still want to practice good boundaries.

Also, I have a friend who I occasionally text who lives out of state. We worked together for two summers at a camp. A few months ago he (who is married and knows I am married) tells me he still likes me. Erg!! Again, a friendship with a person I truly find fun, relaxing, funny, and I can be me around...gone... in a not good way. I do not really text him much now.

And today I was find a place downtown that required a lot of walking because I was lost. Multiple males displayed signs or at least acted like they were attracted to me. I am not use to this. The difference today was... I have lost some weight, I did my hair and makeup, and I was wearing tighter jeans. Do those things really matter that much?

All these things add confusing to me because I like attention. Attention = confidence booster, fun, get better service in stores (which I have complained when I looked like shit and was treated like shit), and oh fun.
However... at my new job I am starting soon it is primarily women (harder to get close to) who are pretty (makes me feel ugly and worthless). I fear going from the environment making me feel better to worse about myself.

04-18-2012, 06:01 PM
It's human to like the attention. That is natural and guilt free. The only thing you would need to feel guilty about is if you were not up front with them in saying that you are one hundred percent unavailable or encouraged the attention.
I agree that your boss is probably more in love with having someone that treats him well. If his marriage was bad for awhile, then he is probably attention starved. (Not that you aren't awesome) Perhaps you can encourage him to join some dating sites or a singles group.

I think that when you dress well, you project confidence and that is probably what gets more attention. I think it's more important to ask why you seem to be a bit bothered by that attention.

04-18-2012, 08:22 PM
Thank you. :flower
I am up front with him about being unavailable. As far as encouraging the attention... do I have to change how I am currently acting? I am interacting with him as I would any friend.
I should totally introduce him to meetup.com if he has not heard of it.

Why am I bothered by that attention?
-cause I do not want to go back to feeling like crap (ruining "good" moments)
-cause I then feel like I am whoring myself out... I briefly tried to verbalize why but that gets into trauma stuff.
I was not even aware that I was bothered by it... but I am because when the guys make it obvious... then I feel like this is my fault, I dressed like this for x, and so on.
but yet I like attention... so I am confused.

04-18-2012, 10:59 PM
Again, it's human and natural to like attention. When we have trauma in our pasts, we tend to think attention=being victimized, but that is not true. Just as you can look at an attractive guy on the street and see that he is good looking, a guy can look at you and find you attractive without there being any danger, even if he is a bit obvious about it. I am talking to myself here, too. I really tend to equate attention with danger.

If you are treating him as a friend, then no, you don't have to change anything. I wasn't trying to say that you were encouraging romantic attention. Sometimes what I mean to say doesn't quite translate through my keyboard. :ummm

04-19-2012, 08:56 AM
Thank you for clarifying what type of attention Axi. I thought your message implied romantic, but I wanted to be sure because I am trying to be aware of healthy boundaries.

I got dressed this morning... again tried going out in what would be considered "normal" clothing instead of super sloppy... and I feel dirty and gross. :ugh

This is crazy... I did not expect all this to come of it.

04-20-2012, 04:13 PM
I was thinking today and figured out something huge...

I was having really good emotions since finding out the my boss was falling in love with me. This scared me because I assumed that meant I liked him back, which made me very unhappy... but the like truly does not feel romantic at all so I did some more soul searching.

He is older and cares about me. He is missing the female part... but it is that addicting euphoria I get whenever I think someone old enough to possibly play I nurturing role might actually care about me. Not romantic at all. This whole thing of course can be a huge issue in itself, but I have worked on that a lot (on here too), and while it is not resolved, I am aware of how to best deal with it for me.

We decided to keep in contact and remain friends with clear boundaries because we both genuinely enjoy each others company.

From what I understood my husband is okay with this, though I will check it over one more time. But I am content with this for now.

Aside from being kinda awkward is there anything really wrong with it if we both keep clear boundaries (I do not become stalkerish and he does nothing romantic).