View Full Version : am I alone?

04-09-2012, 11:49 PM
I've been suffering with eating problems all my life, but over the past few years I've been in absolute hell struggling to stay alive basically. I was doing quite well last year, and managed to get my BMI up to ********.****. I felt less ill, but have been going back down hill over the past few months.
I've come to realise that a big problem for me is my gender identity.
Is there anyone else out there who thinks their gender is linked to their eating disorder?
I'm TERRIFIED at the thought of looking more like a woman, and getting periods again, and I know that it's really holding me back from pushing on with recovery.
I don't want to be a guy, but I'm not comfortable with a 'working' female body.
HELP! I feel quite alone in this....

04-09-2012, 11:50 PM
Sorry, I don't know why some of the post was 'starred' * :s don't worry, I didn't say anything offensive!

04-10-2012, 12:56 AM
We don't allow numbers to be posted. That's why it was starred.

I don't have a gender issue, but part of my ED is that I feel safer at a higher weight because then my body is 'hidden' and 'inaccessible'.

What is it about having a working female body that is uncomfortable for you? Have you talked about this with a counselor?

04-10-2012, 07:05 AM
Welcome to the board :) I hope you find as much help ad support here as I have

I don't think youre alone in feelin the way you do-for me me sexuality, or the fear of it, was (not so much anymore) closely linked in with my ed...not as much in the way it is for you, but I know that for a lot of people its quite similar to what youre describing
I'm sorry I can't offer any advice, but hang in there...you are worth it and you are never alone :)

04-10-2012, 01:51 PM
You're not alone. I think there are a lot of people with ed's who struggle with this issue.

What kind of support are you having at the moment?

It is really good that you recognise and can identify this as the issue. Can you address this in T? I imagine it is difficult to talk about?

04-12-2012, 01:08 AM
OMG! I could have written this post. I have exactly the same thing holding me back. I don't have any amazing suggestions as I'm only just working up the courage to deal with this with my psychologist but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. For me this is a massive issue.

04-20-2012, 12:10 AM
Thank you so much for the replies...it does help knowing that there's someone out there feeling the same way as I do.
I've managed to talk about it with my psychologist, but I'm a bit stumped about how to move forward. At the moment I'm trying to take one step at a time, and not think so much of the 'big picture'...like focusing on feeling better in the short-term by taking baby steps, as opposed to letting my mind panic over starting periods etc again.
It's just so difficult, because I desperately want to feel better, but that would mean becoming something I don't feel comfortable being =\

Do you suppose anyone has ever managed to work through this sort of situation?

Do you feel like you just want to get on with your life, and be able to live 'normally' for once?

Thanks again guys...i wasn't expecting such lovely comments =] I appreciate it

04-30-2012, 03:23 AM
I am a compusive overeater who has been morbidly obese since about the age of ********. As I continue in my process of recovery which includes achieving a healthy body weight, I recognize that a while I say that a romantic relationship that includes physical intimacy is something I want so badly i've certainly done EVERYTHING possible to make my body as undesirable as possible. I COMPLETELY get what you're saying.
WE who've been dating ED for so long forget that there are people who are not so interested in our bodies as we are, but more of who we are, and what has shaped our lives. I definitely think that counseling with someone specializing in ED's or at least someone who has experience could be helpful. I relapsed the first time rather than walking through this fear. I hope that we BOTH can travel through this part of the journey. Good luck and keep reaching out for support.

04-30-2012, 01:18 PM
No you are definitely not alone.

Once I started digging deep in therapy I realised that I was using my eating disorder to 'protect' myself from periods, sex, anything to do with being an adult woman. It has taken a while, a lot of hard work (and I'm by no means completely comfortable with my gender identity) but I'm in a much better place. I've been weight restored for a few years, my periods came back and whilst I dont enjoy the experience, they no longer cause me the distress they used to (I remember telling my psychologist at the time that I'd rather die than regain weight and deal with periods and everything that went with being an adult woman). I'm in a happy, healthy relationship with a man who I love. He has been loving and patient and it allowed me to take a risk and begin having a sexual relationship (something I was terrified of and used anorexia and bulimia to avoid).

Keep doing the hard work with your psychologist, take things one step at a time and I promise it will get easier and your gender identity will make sense with time x