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View Full Version : This Pedestal is a Lie and Opening Up.


sick_of_the_fear
04-06-2012, 12:40 PM
I don't even know what to say right now. Which is really the problem I guess...:lookin

So I am dating this super duper wonderful guy but he has no idea about my struggles with food. In fact he has no idea I struggle with anything. He thinks I am perfect (aside from one thing which I will get into in a second). In fact his beliefs about who I am and how much he puts me on this pedestal makes me really uncomfortable. Every time he says something that should be nice and how he feels about me it just feels like a huge lie. :ugh

Especially when he compares me to his ex (who still wants him and has been saying some not so nice things about me to him and others). Side note why do guys do that!?!?!?! Don't do that !!!!

Yesterday was just one of those days where it was not just one thing making me upset it just felt like everything and little things just kept going wrong and I couldn't seem to shake them. I was surrounded by friends but couldn't seem to engage and put on that face which rarely happens. But I kept telling them I was tiered so I went home early.

I got home and my BF and I were snuggling and it was the first time all day I just felt content and was enjoying it until :happy... he had to start in with this super heavy convo :whateva. About how he listened to some sermon and felt the need to make all these apologies. So I listened and was trying to be supportive even thought I just wanted to muzzle him and be like just lay here! haha

Then he told me how he could never have another drink again and be fine with it, and that he did worry earlier in our relationship about how much I went out and drank. He said he was better about it now because he knows how responsible I am with it but I am not sure I believe him. :confused

I could have handled all this with minor discomfort BUT then he straight up asked me “what issues do you have with me?”...

I froze and got more antsy uncomfortable then a pre-teen girl in a bra shop. I physically could not answer the question and there was no way to make a joke and deflect it because it was a straight forward as it gets. I finally had let him know that I hate serious conversations like this as is and apologized because I was in a weird mood. I feel so stupid and worried that he is just going to add my inability to open up to his list. Because as of now he said it is just the drinking and the idea of finding out anything else negative about me terrifies me. Because lord knows there is plenty and they are really going to mess up his perception of me. :lookin

Sorry for the rant but I feel a bit better getting it out. If you have any words of support, understanding, or advice as to how to be more open with him or answer his question because I should probably do that soon that would be appreciated.