View Full Version : apologizing

04-05-2012, 03:10 AM
I owe a few people apologies for how I treated them when I was both deep in the eating disorder and acting immature, and also when I went through a very self-focused period last year while starting to get better. I believe that I caused some people to feel rejected, or used their friendship only when it was convenient to me. Most (though not all) of these people have very kindly picked things back up with me now that I'm more open to friendship, but I feel the unspoken strain caused by my past actions.

I would like to think that I'm reaching a slightly higher level of maturity and I've certainly been thinking more about how my actions affect other people. But to be honest I've never really given a sincere, heartfelt apology before and am worried I'll chicken out. I have the opportunity to do this with one friend during (or after) a "dinner date" early next week, and would like tips or experiences from other members related to apologizing to someone you have hurt.

For example, after talking through the apology how do you transition back to normal conversation and not end on an awkward or strained note?

04-05-2012, 05:54 AM
Its good that you want to take responsibility for the hurt
you have caused others and I believe it was a necessary
part of my recovery.

I found that by simply stating what I did and why and how
I was sincerely sorry for my words and actions and then
letting the conversation unfold as it did it went as it was
meant to go.

Allow the other person to say what they want to say and
then thank them for listening. Say what you need to say
and then let it go as you have done your part.

Apologizing I have found helps with honesty and self esteem
and being real.

god bless.

04-05-2012, 06:06 AM
After the apology simply be honest and ask them how they feel about moving forward. Some people might be less inclined to jump right into a "so, what's been going on in the last few months, are you seeing anyone new? How's your job?" type conversation while others will be ok with it. I've had a few breaks with friends and find that letting them (or sometimes when the break was something they were responsible for, letting me) guide the interaction is what helps. After the apology, just say, "I'm hopeful that we can be in each others lives again, I've really missed you" if the dinner invitation was accepted, chances are, the other person feels the same way. I recently had this happen and although it was the other person who freaked out on me, she and I are both hesitant to resume being so close and we tend to avoid dramatic conversations but instead focus on fun topics. But that foundation is there, and that's what counts.