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View Full Version : Never thought I'd feel this-I'm actually lonely


fulltimepinklady
03-29-2012, 09:37 PM
Hey fishies,

I'm just feeling a little lonely which is odd for me because I am such an introvery and usually crave alone time and never feel I get enough. But I recently put my boyfriend and I on a break because I'm scared of marrying him or at all, and to focus better on recovery. I just felt so suffocated by him and felt so free when I first asked for some space. But it's been a very long time since I have not dated him and dont know what to do with myself. I havent felt this way since early college. But I don;t want to decide we should be together because it sucks being without him. I',m trying to use this time wisely to work through some stuff I never did before we started dating (nothing to do with ed) and of course work on ridding myself of ed thoughts and finding out what I truly want in life for me-not for him or ed or anyone else. But I'm actually lonely. It's so strange. I wouldve killed to have a night like this a couple weeks ago but now I'm lonely. I just feel selfish and guilty for putting us on a break like he's getting the last laugh and that kills me, plus I am scared that i wont make the right decision (to stay or not to stay). I just needed to write it out really :sad

ducksquack
03-30-2012, 05:06 AM
I just feel selfish and guilty for putting us on a break like he's getting the last laugh and that kills me, plus I am scared that i wont make the right decision (to stay or not to stay).

Its ok to decide to take a break to focus on recovery and
to work thru whatever issues you feel need work. That isnt
selfish at all. I see it as a healthy choice.

Sometimes it helps to write about the reasons to stay or not
and just allow the words to come out. You can also write a
pros and cons list as well. If you have someone to talk to about
all of this it can also help a lot.

Sometimes we already know the answer but just need time to
process everything.

god bless.

fishalthea
03-30-2012, 06:32 PM
Oh dear. I just read your response to my post and I can't tell you what a relief to know I'm not alone, but I am sorry to hear you're feeling lonely. I know it probably doesn't feel too great, but maybe you need to feel it some to know you'll be okay and that it (the loneliness) will pass. Or maybe to learn how to deal with it without feeling you must have a full time partner, after all this time of being someone's girlfriend.

I am headed on vacation with my boyfriend next week so I am going to try to make the best of it until at least after that, because we are both so looking forward to it, but I am thinking after that I need a break too. I am jealous of your break right now, actually, even though you say you are experiencing loneliness. I'm actually headed to his house in a minute, because Friday night is one of the nights I'm expected to spend with him. Friday, Saturday and Sunday, actually, or he gets very pouty and generally unpleasant. I would love to just do whatever tonight, hang out here or stop by my sister's house or just play with my dog. What I want to ask though is what does it feel to read this from me, since now you are in a position to do just that-nothing-if you wish?

Anyway I really commend your courage. It takes a lot of guts to shake things up and step outside the routine. I would have done it but I'm terrified of loneliness, of doubting whether I made the right choice, of having someone be upset with me.

:love althea

Mjay
03-31-2012, 02:44 AM
I also am feeling lonely. I have just parted ways from a long term partner and am devastated. I used to also love my time alone, but now that hes gone, its horrific.
Take the time to think about what you want, because sometimes when theyre gone they dont come back, and it hurts so much more. What is it about marriage that you are questioning?

fishalthea
03-31-2012, 11:49 AM
hi :hugon mjay :hugoff sorry to hear you're also feeling lonely.

I don't mean to hijack this post, but I'm curious about your perspective. Do you regret ending the relationship and want it back? Or are you experiencing loneliness but still confident it was time to move on?

In my case I am questioning the long-term direction of my relationship. My bf wants marriage but I am very concerned about major compatibility issues between us, and also that I just don't feel that I want out relationship badly enough to work through those issues. He's great and I do love him, but I just don't feel it's right, in the end. It's okay for now, but I just don't feel happy or excited at the prospect of marrying him, and that concerns me. It seems a girl should get excited when thinking about these things.

I'd really like to hear how you're feeling about your decision.

fishalthea
03-31-2012, 11:53 AM
Mjay I just read your post about the breakup and have a bit better understanding-looks like it wasn't your decision. I'm sorry about what has happened. :gimmehug

As someone who took a cheater back (not my current bf, but one years ago) due to loneliness and desperation, I can tell you it was not in my best interest, ultimately, to give into that loneliness and enter back into a relationship with someone who did that to me. He was great and we loved each other dearly and I just so wanted to make that incident go away, but I never could. Working through infidelity is incredibly difficult. If I had it happen to me again I do think I would just move on (unless it was a marriage, where the stakes are higher.)

fulltimepinklady
04-03-2012, 07:28 PM
hi :hugon mjay :hugoff sorry to hear you're also feeling lonely.

I don't mean to hijack this post, but I'm curious about your perspective. Do you regret ending the relationship and want it back? Or are you experiencing loneliness but still confident it was time to move on?

In my case I am questioning the long-term direction of my relationship. My bf wants marriage but I am very concerned about major compatibility issues between us, and also that I just don't feel that I want out relationship badly enough to work through those issues. He's great and I do love him, but I just don't feel it's right, in the end. It's okay for now, but I just don't feel happy or excited at the prospect of marrying him, and that concerns me. It seems a girl should get excited when thinking about these things.

I'd really like to hear how you're feeling about your decision.

I guess my perspective is confused and muddled right now. I dont regret ending the relationship-yet. I am just torn on a fear of whether I'm going to lose something great when I finally get my head together or else I'm going to regret marrying someone-whom I also feel I have some compatibility issues. I also don't feel excited about marrying or settling down or having a man now whom I know will love and take care of me forever if I so choose. Part of me just felt stifled so I put it on a break and then I felt my first twinge of loneliness. I know it's normal but do I want that the rest of my life or do I want to marry someone I'm not sure is right for me? Thanks for commenting fishies I appreciate it