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View Full Version : One year and still not over it


Liv Kaymak
03-28-2012, 07:06 PM
Its been almost one year, and I am still not over my ex. I don't know what to do. I want to be over my former relationship so bad and I am not. I have tried everything. I have read books about break-ups and healing, I have talked to my friends, I have cried, (and cried), I try not to think about him (put limits on my ruminating), I have absolutely no contact with him (well technically, he cut all contact with me---he broke up with me, but I have not initiated anything).

I want to move on so badly. I truly do. But I am so hurt. I still feel so much pain. I miss him. I miss our relationship. I feel betrayed and lied too. I feel used. He now has a new girlfriend, and its very serious. Apparently he is very happy and in love. I just feel frustrated. Its really immature of me, but I feel like its not fair. I gave him everything, all of my love, he gets to enjoy it and break-up with me when he's finished, and now he has another girlfriend, and they are both so in love.

I don't know what to do. I feel like my heart is blackening and is becoming dark. There is a hole in my heart. I am at a loss. How can move on? I feel like, I am never going to be able to move on from him. I want to someday, be open, and meet a man. But I feel like the way that I am now, its not possible.

Fishies, what should I do? Any advice? Is something wrong with me. I feel so ashamed that I am not over him by now. I feel pathetic. I am just so unbelievable sad about my break-up.

twiggyyay
03-29-2012, 01:59 AM
Have you tried to distract yourself from the thoughts about him? Try and find a new hobby, something you enjoy doing. Something that keeps you busy for a while. Like, I'm just coming up with random things now: yoga, a spiritual book, fashion, a tiny pet to take care of, like a hamster or guinea pig, redecorating your flat, whatever it may be. Just some project that you can work on. Something to get a rest from your mind. I know you're probably not ready yet for a new relationship or dating, and you don't have to be. Give yourself time to get over it, sometimes it can last a while.

Liv Kaymak
03-29-2012, 06:55 AM
Thank you for your support and advice Twiggyyay. I really appreciate. I think your right. I need to be more active. I have been so busy and stressed with school. I kind of took a break from recreational activities, because I have been stressed with school and also because I have been feeling kind of depressed and apathetic. I should dedicate more time to my hobbies. I dance and used to do yoga. Maybe I should start dancing and doing some of my other interests again. I think it might help me at least stay busy and help cheer me up. I really need to move past this spot with my ex. You gave me some great ideas.

Mjay
03-31-2012, 02:49 AM
Ah i read this and seen myself in you. I had a break up like this about seven years ago, and it took me over a year to get over him. Dont worry about time as such, things like this can take a great deal of time...it took me perhaps eighteen months to move on from the said relationship.
I am back in this situation AGAIN however, and was glad i found this post. I am struggling, its only been enough, but i am terrified of finding out he has moved on and fallen in love, AND hes moving country. How im dealing so far is keeping myself busy, doing things i didnt have time to do or wasnt acceptable to do when i was with him. I am finding my freedom, and its kind of cool!
Sometimes it takes a long long time for a broken heart to heal, just hang on to the thought that it WILL heal, maybe not today, or next week..but it will heal, just dont expect it to happen and count the days, just go with it hun.
Feeling your pain though:gimmehug:gimmehug:gimmehug

Liv Kaymak
04-02-2012, 12:25 PM
Mjay, thank you so much for sharing your experiences and thoughts with me. It really touched me and it means a lot. I feel a lot less crazy to hear that other people have also struggle with the same issues. Sometimes I feel so embarrassed because I feel like I should be over and totally ok with everything. Its encouraging to hear that it is OK to feel this way and that it does take time. I shouldn't judge myself so harshly for it, but accept it. Its also really encouraging to hear that someday, I will finally get over it. The pain comes and goes these days, its not so acute, but its still there. I am really sorry to hear that you are in the situation again. Break-ups are so painful. :gimmehug :gimmehug :gimmehug I like your advice about staying busy, I am trying to the do the same.

Thank you again :lubdub