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View Full Version : Appropriate boundaries vs. pleasing people vs. being selfish


DreamsInBlack&White
03-24-2012, 05:19 PM
So, I kinda lost it this afternoon. I was tired and hungry and had just finished work, and my friend who has been keeping her couch at our house for the last ******** months wanted to come over to get it. She texted about this last night and I had told her a couple of times my husband would be here today that she could come by. She didn't reply until I texted her a second time, this morning, to ask if they were coming. At that point, she said they were planning to come tonight. But this afternoon, she texted that she and her hubby wanted to just come use her key (she has a key to our place) and get it right then. She didn't realize I was on the way home from work and would be here - at first. I told her it wasn't a good time because I just got off work and would be sleeping, and she replied that they had a helper and a truck right now... Anyway, I replied with "Fine. Whatever. I won't be home for a few more minutes so please hurry." And she, of course, got offended and said they'd come later, as they didn't want to inconvenience me or impose. And now, of course, I feel guilty. I want to think this wasn't an unreasonable boundary to set, but maybe I was just being selfish. I seriously have trouble deciphering between the two... :(

DreamsInBlack&White
03-24-2012, 05:20 PM
Oh, that was eighteen months... I don't think that particular number would be triggering to anyone. ;)

LoneMare
03-24-2012, 06:33 PM
I'm not one to advise about boundaries but if I had been in her shoes I would have wanted to get the couch when it was convenient for you. I would have asked when I could come get it rather than just said this is when I'm coming. To me that seems like the polite thing to do since it is your home.

LM

axi
03-24-2012, 08:24 PM
I think that it was two people who wanted different things and just grated on each others' nerves. She should have been more willing to wait until it was convenient for you, but it sounds like she just wanted to get it over with. She probably was not thinking it would be that big a deal since she had the truck already. She was focused on her goal and not thinking of how it would affect you.

It wasn't an unreasonable boundary to set, just two people focused on different things. It happens.

DreamsInBlack&White
03-25-2012, 12:55 PM
Thanks fishes! That made me feel better. I ended up talking to her briefly when they came to pick it up last night, and she wasn't mad - she was just, as you said axi, focused on wanting to get the couch, not on how it might inconvenience me at that time. She's coming over to watch the premiere of Mad Men with me tonight, so all is well. :) But I do suck at the boundaries thing... I need to work on how to determine what are and are not safe, good boundaries for me to set, I think.