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LoneMare
03-22-2012, 06:00 PM
Maybe this is in the wrong place but I feel it is more a relationship issue than anything.

When you are totally alone, ie and adult in mid forties and never been in a relationship or had children, who do you reach out to for support and how do you do it?

I have tried to reach out and somehow I don't receive the support I need. I no longer have a therapist but with my last therapist calling her outside of appointments was not an option. In many ways I am grateful for that because I did not have to fear overstepping boundaries that way. But then and now I don't know who and how much to reach out.

I'm afraid that I ask for too much when I do reach out and then alienate others. So that leaves me afraid to reach out at all. And when I do how can I tell those who appreciate it from those who do not?

I'm very confused and wondered how all of you approach this problem.

One more thing, does anyone else find that they reach out more or only when they are trying to do better but seem to "appear" better when they are actually deeper in the ED? Just like me posting here. I only post when I'm really trying and then quit when I'm giving in.

Thanks for any help.
LM

rafferty
03-23-2012, 03:03 AM
LM - I am forty - no children - no relationship - similar to what you describe.

So my experience, for what it's worth, is for support - I make sure I have a T. I don't call her between appointments - though I do email knowing that she will not reply - and we discuss the email when I see her.

My closest friend lives half way across the world - and we email each other.

But I don't reach out to anyone else. In fact I find I feel much worse if people around me know what's going on with me... and what works best for me is to just be around other people doing their normal stuff and not focusing on me. I enjoy the days I work because I love being around my colleagues and chatting about their lives and their stuff.

When you need support - what works for you? What kind of support are you looking for, or needing, for others? In what ways do you feel that you are asking too much?

I am perhaps not the best person to answer your questions because I have never actively looked for support from any one. I haven't found that reaching out is in any way helpful for me... and when I've felt cornered or coerced into sharing a little of what is going on for me... it leaves me feeling exposed and worse off than if I'd stayed quiet.

But in saying that - I do appreciate the space I have with my T and with my Dr. I do feel OK with support from them - and having regular times to be able to talk to them. Do you want to continue in T so you have a place you can get regular support?

Take care,

:love

ducksquack
03-23-2012, 05:54 AM
I believe that my recovery was a result of me reaching
out especially to those who were recovered or already
further along in their recovery than I was.

I went to meetings where I could listen, share and be around
others who wanted recovery and who shared their experience,
strength and hope with me. I needed support, encouragement
and a place where I could share all the stuff that was inside of
me and with people who understood.

I of course used GP, T, N and PDoc as well as I had many issues
which required their help and support.

You dont have to be alone in recovery or in your life. There are
many good and caring people in this world and we need to seek
them out I believe.

god bless.

LoneMare
03-23-2012, 08:41 AM
Hi Rafferty -

It seems the same for me when I reach out. I end up feeling worse. But. . . when I'm in certain moments I feel a need for connection and past therapists and others in recovery both here and in groups I have attended keep telling me to reach out for support. I'm not entirely sure what I want from support other than to have a chance to be understood. I have a good friend and neighbor but when I reach out to him he frustrates me by talking about his own issues and I end up more bottled up than before talking to him.

I guess I need to figure out what I need from reaching out. It's just that bottled up feeling like I'm going to explode. It really only happens when I don't exercise so I guess I'm looking for someone to understand how difficult it is for me to not be able to get that release.

Hi Ducksquack-

I'm so glad you answered this because I know you have used the twelve step program to assist your recovery. That is something I have decided to try and it is another place that I hear people suggest reaching out. I have asked a woman who is a recovered anorexic as well as alcoholic and drug addict to sponsor me. She agreed to do that but I don't want to impose on her too much. I left her a message earlier this week asking her if we could meet to set some boundaries so that I will not overstep my bounds. I just don't want to screw this up this time. She is a busy woman but also very kind and committed to the twelve step programs. I'm afraid she's feeling trapped into this and I don't want that. I also don't really know what a sponsor does or if she is someone I can just talk to or if it is just for step work or what.

I'm just a social misfit and wish someone could teach me the right skills. I am irritating on all fronts, work, acquaintances, family - you name it. I just want to do things right for a change and I am lost.

Thanks for taking the time for me both of you.

LM

ducksquack
03-23-2012, 03:29 PM
Its great that you asked her and she agreed. Congrats on
asking as it is difficult for many.

She accepted so that means she is willing to be your
Sonsor and people sponsor differently so its usually
best to ask her how she sponsors and what is expected
from you.

Sponsors I have found are wonderful people who want
to give back as they were helped before. Be honest and
dont be afraid to ask her any questions because its all
new to you.

Again, well done on having the courage to ask.

god bless.