View Full Version : Two Weeks In My Own Apartment Post Break Up... Struggling.

03-22-2012, 06:28 AM
So, I finally got into my own apartment. Two weeks now, and I have to say I am struggling. Although I like the apartment itself, and am grateful to have it, I have a challenging time in the evenings particularly. I find my mind wandering to self destructive behaviors like SI or drinking. Not that I'd do either, because I seriously doubt I would, but the fact that my mind wanders there is unsettling. Feeling anxiety and depression, and I am concious and aware of this.

I see my T next week, first time I'll be seeing her since I moved into new place.

Not sure what I want from this thread, mabe some :challenge if you've got 'em.

:hugon Fishies :hugoff

03-22-2012, 07:38 AM
Can you make plans with people? ANYONE? Doesn't have to be good friends, but people, just to pass the time? After breakups I tend to schedule dinner dates with people I don't know well, just to do something. My girlfriend had some great advice, just stay BUSY. Doing something is better than doing nothing. You'd be surprised at how other people can make you smile.

Serena for Serenity
03-22-2012, 07:32 PM
I know exactly what you are talking about, evenings for me used to be so terrible...they still can be sometimes. Its something about that time of night that my old negative thoughts/self-destructive thoughts start playing. I have been sober from alcohol for a long time and I too have seen my mind wander to thought of drinking, cutting, smoking weed, any destructive thing I used to do. But I am aware that they are just thoughts and I never take action, nor really want to.

I think it is a good thing that you are conscious that you feel anxious and depressed, that is a step forward! When I got really anxious or down in the evenings I made myself either get out of the house, do something active, or if possible, invited people over or called them. Maybe you could pick up an old hobby or find a new one to occupy your time in the evening? I also like to journal, play music, or look in the mirror and talk honestly with myself about how I am feeling. It also helps me to remember that just because I am alone does not mean that I am lonely. I know that I can tend to ruminate on all kinds of things from the past or the future and it does make me depressed, so I make a conscious choice to live in the Now and to stop sabotaging myself, haha. I don't know if any of this helps, but you are not alone about feeling down in the evening times :gimmehug

03-28-2012, 12:03 PM
I agree with the advice about making plans with friends and making plans to practice self-care at home, and wanted to add that it can also be helpful to get out of the house without friends. Sometimes just going to a coffee shop or a bookstore for an hour or two and reading or journaling or people-watching can really help get you out of a bad train of thought.

How did things go in your T appointment?

Whitney Bug
03-28-2012, 10:40 PM
It also helps me to remember that just because I am alone does not mean that I am lonely.

I love this. And I especially agree when I am remembering my higher power. I have read a lot lately that HP is "closer than your own jugular," meaning always in you, never separate. Do you have any ways you like to connect with your higher power? Also, what about taking classes at night, like dancing, drumming, pottery, or going to open mic nights, poetry readings, things that can both occupy your time and help you build community. :bandwagon

04-01-2012, 02:37 AM

Just want you to know I care about you and am thinking of you! I think its great that you have moved into your own place. I'm sure that wasn't easy but taking care of yourself isn't always easy and that's a big step!

I agree with a lot of the fishies' suggestions. If you like to exercise, yoga, is there a studio or park you can go to? If you have time can you volunteer anywhere? Are there any types of groups that you'd be interested in? Are you still involved in the twelve steps? There have to be twelve steps groups somewhere near you...just :idea s

take care hon!


04-01-2012, 01:10 PM
Hi Jesika,

My thoughts are with you! I hope you can stay occupied like the other people have suggested.

Come on here and post vs. doing any time of self destructive behaviors! I'm sure there are AA online support groups as well, or go to an in person AA meeting instead.

04-13-2012, 10:40 AM
Thank you all for your replies :gimmehug

Sorry it's been a while since getting back here. It feels as though life's kinda thrown me off kilter :wacky

:hugon TennisLady :hugoff I have been trying to stay occupied, and it's helped some. My therapist says I am doing well for the situations at hand. I have to realize that just because things dont feel good, doesn't mean I'm not doing good :challenge

:hugon Seabiscuit :hugoff I definitely don't have time to volunteer, between my two jobs. I am still recovering from surgery, so that's also put a crimp in my ability to do things (exercise, NIA, etc.) one day at a time, I suppose.

:hugon Whitney Bug :hugoff Thanks for your suggestions, and the reminder of HP!

:hugon jump :hugoff I have slowly begun getting out of the house, alone. And also with friends. I made a good action plan for the weeks ahead of me, with my therapist. It's not easy, but in this moment I am feeling optimistic.

:hugon Serena for Serenity :hugoff Thanks hon. I appreciate your experiences, and support :gimmehug

:hugon sflathinker :hugoff I have begun taking action steps, which is good. Thanks for your suggestions :love

04-16-2012, 03:24 PM
Hey Jesika! I was also gonna post some suggestions, but the other fishies have definitely given you good advice :happy. How are you doing NOW?

04-17-2012, 11:23 AM
:hugon iliketoprocrastinate :hugoff I am actually doing a little better, thank you :gimmehug

It's still a struggle daily, but my anxiety has subsided a great deal.