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solenn
03-20-2012, 06:35 PM
Hi fishies...

Very hard evening :sad broke up with my boyfriend. He figured something was wrong and asked me if there was anything he could do as I seemed so down... I said I was low and confused and struggling. He asked me if I still wanted to be together & I had to be honest and say I didn't know. We talked for a long time. And I feel so awful. He asked me about my ex and if it was to do with him. I said no :( I feel so guilty. I said something didn't feel right & I needed to be on my own.

I feel devestated, I cried hysterically when he left, he was so lovely, I was seriously upset the whole time, and he was so tender and caring, hugged me and wiped my tears. And I wish, deep inside me that I could be with him. Wish it felt right. Wish I didn't still love the man I was seeing last year. I have tried tolove him...

And god, how I hate myself for hurting him, hate myself for doing this, hate myself for feeling all the 'wrong' feelings. I wanted it to work so much.

And now I am broken to lose the best friend I had in him before we got together as well, he doesn't want to see me and agreed it would be best if I don't go to our club for a while... All my summer trips away were with him and the club, arranged before we were together as partners.

I'm so sorry for ranting, I feel so utterly lost and deeply upset, just really wanted to reach out. Its going to be so hard to look after myself right now... I need some support.

With love
Solenn xxx

fulltimepinklady
03-20-2012, 08:18 PM
:gimmehug I am so sorry! I know what you mean about hurting him...I put my bf and I on a break this weekend to focus on recovery. I am so sad. I feel like a failure and very guilty. But I know staying in the relationship right now isn't going to help me. I hope you are able to take advantage of this time away from him and focus on getting stronger as well. we are both worth the time to take care of ourselves first. Good luck! :gimmehug

solenn
03-21-2012, 10:47 AM
Thank you so much for your reply and your :gimmehug it means so much to me that you heard me. It sounds like you are going through a hard time at the moment as well, and I know exactly the feelings of guilt and failure, and I would tell you not to feel like that, you are right it knowing that it won't do you any good to stay right now.

We are not on a break, sadly I know its over, and he needed that finality as well. That right now, that's not how I feel and that may not change. If it does and I go back, it may be too late, but I have to accept that...

And I think I am more mourning the friendship and closeness that we had. Feeling cared for and enjoying someones company... Sadly, not always enough :(

Hope your coping ok :gimmehug back to you pinklady