PDA

View Full Version : feel like crying, need some support, my head is bothering me


nefretiti
03-20-2012, 12:59 PM
this is one of my lonley days...been home for almost two weeks, and got back to my life. suddenly too much work, my friends all on holidays, me alone or working...my boyfriend working or hanging out with his friends, but it is always that they do sth fun when i need to work and when i'm home he is working. since i came back i saw him once, he wanted us to go to a birthday party last night but i had work so i stayed home to sleep. i felt guilty but i felt tired also. i don't know i feel like a total rap alone lke this, i hate my schedule and i hate that he is pushing me to meet his friends. i know he wants me to hang out with them and i know he is proud of me and wants everybody to see me, but me, i just eel scared and i don't want to go. on top of that i am so tired and i don't feel like doing much, i just need some hugs. on one hand i want to make him happy and i feel bad that he is always trying to do stuff for me and my job is always preventing me to do those things he really wants -like going out with his friends. and on the other hand i feel so frustrated when i see how much he wants me to go places with him and i cannot. and now he went out last night without me, lost his phone and i was calling him to come to my place today cause i was free during day, and he called me only in the evening when he found his phone so i asked him to go watch a movie with me and he is like "well, there are no projections after midnight and i'm gonna finish by ****, plus there is one game i really wanted to watch so i'm gonna go and watch it". i don't know, i am so mad and sad, i feel so rejected, and lonley and i just wanna break up with him now cause obviously i cannot have a relationship.

solenn
03-23-2012, 10:10 AM
hey nefretiti, firstly here is a hug :gimmehug how are you doing today? I notice its been a few days since your post, so I wanted to reply.

Sounds like you are having a hard time with your boyfriend at the moment, and with other areas in your life. Do you work a lot at the moment? When your boyfriend asks you to come out and meet his friends, does he get angry or annoyed when you? Or is her understanding that you have work?

It sounds to me like there is a part of you in this post that is more annoyed with yourself? That you have to work so cant always participate, but that theres always a part of you that is scared and unsure and you dont want to? maybe you could talk a bit more about what this feels like for you?

Have you talked to him about how you are feeling? I dont think its that you cannot be in a relationship, although maybe it is, I know that I cant be at the moment and I was with someone and it wasnt making me happy... why do you think you cant be in a relationship?

with love

solenn xxx

nefretiti
03-31-2012, 03:31 PM
hi solenn thanks for ur reply....

actually, i think the problem is a lot on my side but still i need to tell him that, and i don't know how.

i was working a lot. that is the fact. and i do work a lot. i travel all the time and i get tired and i cannot see him as often as he would like to or as i would like to. also, it all makes it harder to make any rutine. anyways, it's bothering me so much that we cannot make any plan when r we going to see each other. i know i get scared when i think we could start making plans in advance. but i am willing to work on my fear and to do so, cause i don't see other way to actually have a relationship and do things together. because like this we started seeing each other less often and improvisation always turns out to be watching a movie or sitting together at my place or making love. that's good, but since we want our relationship to progress, we need to go out, meet ppl, and do some new things together. when we talk what we would like we have so many ideas, but we never make them come true.

he was annoyed that i couldn't go with him to meet his friends but later on we talked and he said he understands i need to work and so. it seems though that he doesn't understand that we need to see when we are both free and when we are going to spend time together. cause when i don't know his free time and he doesn't know mine we end up plannig each one of us something alone for the **** of us and then we cannot do it cause the other one is busy.

i tried to talk with him about that and he was the one saying for a long time now we need to plan things but seems like something is stopping him also. like today we were supposed to meet. and i came in the morning and told him i'll call text him when i wake up so he know we can do sth. when i woke up i was texting him, he was with his friends. later on he is like what r my plans. and i already told him i hav a plan to see him and nothing much today. then he was not answering my texts, then he answers then i say i wanna see him but he doesn't answer and then i call and he doesn't pick up. i don't care what is he doing but i have a day off today and tomorrow and what i did- today i didn't see him and now i cannot even reach him to make a plan for tomorrow.

i also tried talking about things stopping me in engaging fully in our relationship and somehow he does listen to me but it's like he doesn't really understands how big issue is that for me. i also wanted to tell him about my ed, cause maybe then he will understand better what am i going through every time, but i never manage to say it. i told him i have some thoughts that are bothering me and that are the reason i go to see a therapist and he was very funny caring- he said : say to those thought that they cannot bother you and they need to go away cause i am here and i don't wanna let anything bother u. but in the end it seems to me a guy is totally unaware of how serious this is, i mean ed and all issues that go with it.

i would really like to b in a relationship, but i don't know if i'm capable. with my work, nobody wants to understand i am not here as a standard grl working mornings till evening. i have days when i am not here so when i am here my boyfriend and me need to use that time. he is telling me he doesn't wanna pressurize me cause he know how tiring this is and so on, so he waits for me to say when i wanna see him, but i just loose my courage to say i wanna see him when he tells me he is with his friends, you know..i cannot even ask till when they plan to do stuff, or when he is gonna see me, or what we could do....

this is stressing me so much.