View Full Version : I dont know what to do... or how to do it...

03-19-2012, 07:49 AM
I am struggling so much in my relationship right now. we've been together about five and a half months, and he was a good friend before we got together, of two years.

I stayed at the weekend for one night and we ate dinner and watched a film. But it doesnt feel right. I am consumed by feeling for the man I was seeing last year. I thought I was making myself move on by throwing myself into this relationship, but now I am really upset and anxious and tormented about it all the time... when we went to bed my boyfirend tried to 'get me in the mood' and I had to say no, I said I had to get up early for work and it was getting late. I felt like an awful person. (have been there all the time and threw myself into it, but have pulled back recently...)

I keep waiting to feel differently, but I cant let go.

The man I was seeing last year says he made a mistake and loves me, will give me everything, but he is complex and has his problems and I'm pretty sure he's not left his girlfriend still. There are some horrific things going on with his family and they are causing him a lot of emotional stress.... I feel bad, and selfish, but it makes me feel like he's stalling again. Part of me is still, so in love with him and the other part of me hates him for ruining my current relationship to the point where I cannot continue :sad

I know regardless of him, I need to address my relationship now. With how I am feeling I think I need to finish it. I am not joking when I say: I dont know how. I dont know how to do this.

plus it will ruin everything, I feel like I will lose the only passion I have in my life (a small sports club I go to, where we met and were partners. Cant say too much as im suspcious of people finding me on here...) and the close and wonderful friendship we had (and still have in the relationship) will be over... (and it will be... I've never had someone be so in love with me, and so 'heart on their sleeve' about it. he said that if I'd have rejected him he would have had to find another club as his love for me was driving him crazy)

I know that is no reason to stay in something when I am unhappy, and so unfair on him.
the thought of hurting him destroys me :sad I dont know what to do....

Solenn xxx

03-19-2012, 10:03 AM
Sounds like you may be hooked on the guy from last year because just maybe possibly even without even realizing it you think you can fix him.

You didn't break him. His family of origin did the breaking. However, as women we tend to get into relationships that are familiar. We play out our childhood even when we swear up and down we will never let what happened to our parents happen to us or we will never be like our parents.

Also without knowing it we need the excitement of the unavailable man.

So maybe the current guy is a good guy and that just isn't exciting enough for you.

You may need the turmoil of the being the other woman.

Just something to think about.

I may be way off base.

03-19-2012, 04:58 PM
Thank you for replying. You throw up some interesting points. I certainly don't need or want the excitement of being the other woman, or the unavailable man. I left that behind me last year. It's just my love for him that's been harder to let go off. And I would only go toward this if it was real this time and not a half life. I'm not prepared to do that.

The man I'm with is definitely a good guy, and its not that he's not exciting, he really is, active and very similar to me. But something doesn't feel right... I struggle because life is very simple for him, which is nice for him and he's never been through anything difficult, I mean. Ever. I posted before about needing something deeper, but didn't get much feedback. Does it sound crazy to feel I need to be with someone who gets how I feel sometimes, who really understands? I don't want codependent, but someone who when I talk about the dark days, really GETS it...

I think there's an element of truth to what you say about fixing him, its not that I want to do that, he can help himself, but I do have that element to my personality. I like to help and listen. It does make me feel needed...