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I'veGotRhythm
03-17-2012, 01:34 AM
moved from a/b recovey to self-esteem

I'm not sure if this topic is good for a thread ... but maybe.

I was at my best friend's house tonight ... first time we've been together (the two of us) in over four months. I've been really ill with anxiety/depression/sleep issues, and have isolated a lot because my symptoms were so severe.

I needed to have a heart-to-heart with her because I felt so abandoned during my illness. I kept thinking, "Why aren't my friends calling me just to see how I'm doing ... or sending me an email"? So I asked her to tell me what I'm like when I'm in that really bad place. I'm so glad I could be honest with her ... she was waiting for me to tell her what I needed because she didn't know.

Then she said that she loved me unconditionally. I don't think anyone has told me that before. Maybe my husband ... I can't remember. I've never felt loved unconditionally ... not by my parents, not by God, not by my husband ... not by anyone. I believe her ... but it's such a new belief, that it's hard to wrap my mind around it. It "feels" so wonderful. Now I know ... I can trust her because she loves me unconditionally. Maybe I can start to believe that others love me that way too ... and I can learn to love back.

Just some thoughts.

solenn
03-17-2012, 11:32 AM
unconditional love is a wonderful thing and a wonderful feeling. It must feel very new to you by the sounds of it, and it sounds like you have a really good friend there.

huge well done for talking to her too, it can be so very hard to be honest and have an open converstation with someone about how you are feeling.

I have a friend who loves me unconditionally, only one who I know really means it, who would never ever turn her back on me, who's been there through every trauma and treatment. It took me a really long time to believe it, trust it, sometimes I would even rage against it. Demanding to know why she loved me so much, why she hadn't jumped ship like everyone else.

but she still stayed:touched

I love her so much

Solenn

oceanfairy
03-17-2012, 03:16 PM
:hugon IGR :hugoff

I'm SO glad you had that conversation with your friend! I think unconditional love is one of the most important things we can find (hence, why it has been my signature on this site ever since I was an adolescent!)

It takes many forms, and I think the more you look, the more you will realize there are several people who love you unconditionally...even people you don't know well or would not expect.

I'veGotRhythm
03-19-2012, 06:09 PM
Solenn,

I really appreciated reading your post. Yes, this is new for me. I'm an older fishy with adult children; and it's strange to know that I can totally trust someone to care. I think my husband loves me unconditionally too; but in our marriage, we have, unfortunately, both brought a lot of baggage. A lot of this comes out of my family-of-origin too. Out of six children, I think one brother knew my parents loved him. The rest of us?... depression, addictions, prison, and on and on and on.

I especially appreciated knowing that it took you a "...really long time to believe it...", because you relate. It's not easy having a heart-to-heart, but I was bothered for days ... believing that she really didn't care. I think God was nudging me. She sent an email telling me what a fun time she had ... fun? :ummm I just called her a few minutes ago, because this is really a hard day for me. My husband has been in a very important meeting which may decide whether he has work in the Fall. It's like waiting for scary test results. I asked her if she wanted to just chill and watch a movie ... maybe ... she had to work all night. It took courage to call her, cuz I'm really depressed, but I did it. Practice, practice, practice.

_____________________

More later................

flea
03-19-2012, 06:45 PM
Congratulations IGR, that takes real courage, and it sounds like it came out sunny side up for you which is wonderfull.
Do you love yourself unconditionally? you can tell me to mind my own buisness, but I was just wondering how you feel about yourself?
Take care,
Flea.

I'veGotRhythm
03-23-2012, 10:47 PM
I'm back............

oceanfairy: I can see why this thread would capture your interest. I didn't know what unconditional love was, when I was an adolescent. :sad But I'm glad you did! It's never too late ... and I'm learning a lot of stuff "late". I told my therapist yesterday that I've done so much in this past week-and-a-half, that it's hard to take it all in. She reminded me that I've been "preparing" for this for years ... I'd rather not wait this long though ... sigh.

flea: Do I love myself unconditionally? No ... not yet ... but I'm definitely working on it. It did take a lot of courage for me to talk to my friend, but I had to. I couldn't "hold it in" any longer. However, my T told me yesterday, that even though my friend needs me to guide her, when I'm in my deepest depressive episodes, I simply can't. I need to her just reach out to me, even if it's only an email (((HUG))). So there will be a Part Two to my little talk. Then I'll branch out to a few more friends.

How do I feel about myself? Right now, I feel like I'm this incredible person, just waiting to bust out of my shell. I know that I have so many gifts to offer. I have severe anxiety/sleep issues too; so I'm going to need some help with that. Right now I'm working on so many things ... boundaries, social skills (mine have atrophied), loving "unconditionally", letting go, forgiveness of others and myself ... the list goes on and on and on. I don't have to be perfect to love myself though ... I know that. Since there are people who love me, I'm beginning to believe that I'm loveable. :love

I'veGotRhythm
03-23-2012, 11:39 PM
I just went for a walk, and was thinking about my last post. I am very aware that I have so much to offer, and that I'm "safe", and evidently people like/love me. However, my self-love is too often based on circumstances. I'm just coming out of four months of illness / trauma / severe sleep deprivation. So three weeks ago, I would not have written the previous post the way I did. In fact, during this terrifying time, I kept telling my husband that I had become a liability. I'm not out of this "place" yet, although I'm better. I'm just trying to flow with it.

I may start a new thread on the Recovery Forum ... is self-love unconditional, or is it based on circumstances. Now, that is definitely a :challenge to think about. :idea