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fulltimepinklady
03-14-2012, 08:30 PM
Hi fishies, I need an objective perspective on my relationship. I am scared that I might have a slightly controlling boyfriend. I am just beginning seeing a couple signs after dating for a really long time-that's why I'm wondering if it's not just me seeing him as such because of ED or if somethings happened that has caused him to start getting annoying. -

He loves to hang out-like as much as we can-he gets slightly upset when I say i want to stay home a couple nights-not really mad just kinda bothered and makes me feel like I'm putting myself ahead of the relationship. He says things like 'you know youre gonna have to spend all youre time with me once we're married' and that just annoys me.

He also has this thing about knowing everything-he's kind of a know it all and it bothers him when I don'gt do things his way just because 'his way is better.' He always wants to know what I talked about with my T and details about trivial matters..he is a detailed person by nature so I dont know if it's truly a bad thing. He doesn't assume I'm right-always that he is. I know he's being a male but I feel disrespected when he always argues me and says things that aren't necessarily bringing me down, but they're hard to get over because he's just so 'always right.'

I haven't had the best past with him however. I've lied to him about some stuff which has caused him to lose some trust in me. But I'm still a person too. recovery wise, I'm doing pretty well-I was before I met him as well. But i'm not doing great. He told me two weeks ago he wants me to gain x pounds. I don't think he should give me an actual number and I don't think he should just tell to do it-esp just for him. It should be for me, and I don't want to focus on a certain amount of weight. I dont weigh myself now and am not planning on doing later. I told him this and that i'm sorry he doesn't get and ed, but it is not something he should be making his business that much. I understand he's just worried but he worries about everything and has to have everything in its place all the time or he has to fix it (OCD). So i don't think he realizes how he's coming across but he makes me feel suffocated, What do yall think? thank you!

elfie
03-15-2012, 02:48 PM
oh pink lady your post mirrors the last three years of my life. With out going into full detail, it started small with us too...like I'd stay over for the weekend but when Sunday evening came around and I wanted to go home to prepare for the week he would look and act pitiful. It just kept getting worse and worse to the point of doors being slammed and broken during our arguments. And yes i lied to him too about a friend i wanted to keep in my life but he didn't approve of. Any ways, it all escalated even after we got engaged, until one day i just couldn't bring myself to drive home from work. Now we are living separate, haven't spoke in two months but he is watching me very closely and hanging tight to his relationships with my friends in order to keep tabs on me.

All I can say is i wish i had brought him to therapy. Maybe if your boyfriend is curious about what you and your T talk about you can arrange for him to join a session and work in discussion on the issues. Face them now before they get any worse.

Best of luck fishy.

twiggyyay
03-17-2012, 03:18 AM
Strongly agree with elfie! Talk about it NOW, tell him what's on your mind and he pushing you too much. If he's a good guy he will understand and try to improve.

fulltimepinklady
03-19-2012, 08:35 PM
Thanks elfie. You describe some stuff that sounds so similar to my relationship. I put us on a break sunday and already feel so much better. So I'm just playing it by ear now.

elfie
03-20-2012, 04:09 PM
Stay strong Pink. I have learned that i knew what I needed to do with my relationship long long ago, I felt it in my gut but I couldn't act on it (for many reasons). When I finally did act on it I felt instant relief but the journey has been very hard and continues to be. I just know that as long as I can stay true to myself I will be ok. Keep your friends & fishies close!