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View Full Version : Break up, so confused.


Mjay
03-03-2012, 03:50 PM
Just a week ago the love of my broke down and told me he had cheated on me the previous day. I am utterly gutted. Everything is so confusing..he tells me he still loves me, im the only girl for him, he will love me forever etc etc, yet is saying we cannot be together because he cannot hurt me again. I am willing to move on, and have forgiven him for his mistake, but to no avail. He says he wants to be with me but cant because he has issues to work on.
I dont know how to feel about this situation, do i hold on or do i seperate myself from him completely. We had just moved into a house together and now everything is up in the air.

Iced gem
03-03-2012, 03:59 PM
Aw hon I'm sorry :(

But would you ever trust him again? You can't just switch love off but you can lose trust pretty instantly.

I think your relationship would constantly have a question mark over it because youd question his honesty.

Might he be doing the 'it's not you it's me' thing?

Mjay
03-03-2012, 04:19 PM
The thing is hes disgusted in himself and i know how sorry he is, he is supporting me through my pain..after he told me, i had a breakdown the next day, and have spent the remaining time in the mental health unit, i am on weekend release currently..he came and seen me in there, he has visited me everyday i have been out. I dont know what to make of any of this.

bellydancer
03-03-2012, 07:25 PM
Hi Mjay,

I can understand why you're devastated. Personally, I would put the relationship on hold for now until you both can sort out your feelings. I know that's hard to do, but I think if you're dealing with mental health issues then the best thing you can do for yourself is to focus on that. He doesn't have any right to expect anything further from you. It is not your job to fix this situation.

Also, are there other people you can seek support from besides him? Friends, family, etc.? I think it's not healthy if you're going through this and he's your main source of support.

Mjay
03-04-2012, 01:01 AM
youre right bellydancer, we both need to step back from one another. yes, i have alot of support, family,friends and a team including a psychiatrist and psychologist. so what do i tell him exactly? i am having trouble formulating words to him right now.

cuddy
03-04-2012, 01:54 AM
I think you need to focus on you and cut the boy loose. He cheated plain and simple. You don't need that shit. It'll hurt to split but you will move on and find someone who will want you and only you.
I think if you forgive him that easily he'll see he can get away with it again and again.
There's obviosly something going on with him for him to be cheating. Doesn't neccessarily have anything to do with you but honestly do you want to be wondering what he's up to when he's not around you.
good luck and get yourself better. Take advantage of all the support you have around you.

bellydancer
03-04-2012, 09:38 AM
If it were me, I would tell him that I need time to be left alone and work on my own issues. It's not fair for him to dump this on you when you're dealing with this, and then to pull the whole "it's not you, it's me, I'll only hurt you" routine.

Iced gem
03-04-2012, 10:59 AM
i echo everything bellydancer just said

Mjay
03-04-2012, 02:36 PM
I am beginning to see this as im exiting the fog my head sat in in shock for days. I did nothing wrong, he just has no self control and is just disgusting.I found out yesterday he had previously hooked up with this girl at another party not so long ago..so he has also lied to me..to "protect" me apparently from where i am sliding down now.
I told him last night i dont want to hear any more sorry's or i love you's, because they arent real, i told him we need to separate ourselves and he needs to go sort out his issues.
It may well take a while to let him go but i think at the end of the day it is worth it. I DO deserve better.
Thank you all:lubdub

Mjay
03-20-2012, 12:56 AM
I was going to start a new thread but thought i might as well bump this one in hopes someone will take notice. :redflag:redflag:redflag
Anyway things have been very up and down the last few weeks. One minute my ex is moving countries, next he isnt, it is driving me insane, the anxiety of it all and the thought of "losing" him is fueling my eating disorder.I keep thinking i need to lose as much weight as possible before he leaves..to "show him", show him what exactly im not quite sure...perhaps how much he has hurt me. I feel like i need to punish myself physically to perhaps punish him too. Im stuck in this mindframe and everyday it seems theres some new drama to deal with in regards to him.
We didnt speak at all over the weekend and i was horribly depressed and lost a significant amount of weight. Now i dont know what hes doing, but in the meantime i have been dragged deep into depression and the anorexia. I know im playing with fire but somehow thats just not enough to stop me. He says he wants to support me and that by leaving he would be doing me a favour, he keeps asking what else he can do to help, but i just dont have an answer for that.

sflathinker
03-20-2012, 06:27 AM
Believe what he is telling you, he can't or doesn't want to be with you, regardless of his reasons. The best thing he can do now is stop talking to you and allow you to heal and move on. He cannot break up with you and try to be your shoulder to cry on.