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noparenthesis
02-29-2012, 11:38 PM
A couple weeks ago, my ex sent me an email basically apologizing for everything he had done, saying that he was an idiot and saying that he screwed up, and while I had begun to move on...the letter hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I responded, and we've been talking and hanging out since...we've talked a lot about our issues and about what happened, and I think I may take him back (he wants to get back together as well). I did tell him that we need to attend at least a few therapy sessions together to talk about our issues/ways we handle conflict in general - do you think this is a good idea? Bad? I think just getting a different perspective on things could be helpful (I don't have a specific thing I want to work through, just talking about our respective issues and conflict mostly).

The thing that I guess worries me is that a lot of my friends (not all) are saying it's a bad idea - but these are also the friends that I leaned on and bitched to about my ex. I want to consider their opinions, and I am, but I'm realizing now that really this has to be my decision...and mine alone.

ducksquack
03-01-2012, 06:10 AM
The decision is yours for sure.

Your friends have reasons why they are saying what
they say and I would consider their reasons for sure.

Perhaps re-visit the reasons you arent together and
remind yourself of why you are apart and decide if
this can work or not.

god bless.

sflathinker
03-01-2012, 09:21 AM
I've broken up and gotten back together with my ex a few times (see a pattern there) and while I will say I don't regret it, I will say that people don't change and it gets easier to fight without consequence and harder emotionally after a breakup. If you choose to reconcile, agree to forgive the past and ask your friends to respect and support your decision. There is never a guarentee, love is always a risk. Pay attention to you...if you find yourself anxious, angry, needy or anything negative more often then its a bad idea. There will be a honeymoon period. But you broke up for a reason and unless those reasons have gone away, then you might break up again. I know my ex and I break up...and we are trying to work thru those issues, but some things you just can't fix.

noparenthesis
03-03-2012, 03:23 PM
"If you find yourself anxious, angry, needy, or anything negative more often then it's a bad idea."

I actually do feel all of these things...I felt a lot more calm and confident when apart.

So there's my answer, I guess.

Serena for Serenity
03-03-2012, 10:21 PM
I would just say that you should follow your heart. Like the others have said, you two broke up for a reason(s) and it might be a good idea to look back on your journal entries/review why you broke up. Also try to remember the feelings associated with why you broke up. Then assess and compare them with how you feel now about getting back together with him. If you are feeling anxious, angry, and negative those might be signs that this might not be the best thing for you right now. I know how hard it is, perhaps you two need a little more space and then could work on being friends?
Whatever you decide to do make sure to tell your friends that you are doing what you need to do and you hope they can support you, either way. Some may or may not like your decision but ultimately it is your choice and if they are true friends they will hopefully support you regardless. I will say that you seemed to enjoy being alone for the first time in a long while and it can never hurt to give yourself more time to work on the relationship with yourself. If you are calm and confident while apart, let that build even more. I support whatever is best for YOU.

noparenthesis
03-04-2012, 12:38 AM
I ended it for good. I love him, but it started to not feel right anymore, and I think there are things I want that he can't give.

Serena for Serenity
03-04-2012, 02:23 PM
Way to be true to yourself! You deserve to have your wants and needs met and to be with someone who is right for you.

noparenthesis
03-04-2012, 04:47 PM
Thanks. It really sucks, as he was my best friend for the better part of two years, but it just wasn't working anymore. I wasn't happy, and trying to make myself happy wasn't working either, as much as I didn't want to hurt him.

I'm going to miss him, but not so much that I'd be making a mistake.