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View Full Version : Healthy Relationships and ED's and Love.


Ulyssessgirl
02-26-2012, 11:16 AM
Hey All,

I've got a lot on my mind about this subject, so forgive me if it's a little all over the place.

I'm in a relationship with with a guy whose really wonderful. Nobody has ever treated me better than him and the best part is that he loves me for me-I can be myself around him. I really like him and sometimes I think that I love him because I feel so good about myself when we're together. He's really helped me with my recovery and I think that he makes me want to be a better person.

So I'm not sure why there is a part of me that cannot accept this. Sometimes I'll think of reasons why we can't or shouldn't be together. I'll magnify tiny problems, pick fights, or flip out over stupid things and the immediately my thought process is: I need to break up with this guy.

I can't tell if I'm in love. I don't know what that means anymore. I was in a relationship for six years and that ended really badly and I was very nearly mortally wounded by that.It was unhealthy in many ways too. As a result, it has affected how I feel about getting involved with people. I've become jaded, I guess. I've become very suspicious of "love." I've become suspicious and mistrusting of myself and my judgement too.

I don't know what a healthy relationship is and I don't know how to be in one for that matter without an ED compromising it. In the past (and even now), I had/have terrible self-esteem and body image problems. I'd want love but then I'd do everything possible to sabotage it. I find myself still doing this...

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thank you for listening. :ear

:love Ulyssessgirl.

bellydancer
02-26-2012, 12:09 PM
Hi U-girl,

A healthy relationship looks slightly different depending on who's in it. In general, though, I think healthy relationships have love, respect, the ability to be honest and strong communication.

When my husband and I started dating, I was still struggling very much with my ED. It's probably a good thing we were long distance for a while, because of this. Everything went so well, that after a few months, I started to look for reasons why he wouldn't want to be with me. I thought his ex-girlfriend was too successful and too wonderful (these aren't things he told me, but rather things that I learned from well-meaning mutual friends), for him to find any happiness with me. Luckily, I never acted on any of these feelings of self-doubt.

Eventually, I realized that the guy might be on to something. That maybe, I wasn't so bad.

Maybe this is easier said than done, but back away from your instinct to sabotage your relationship. If there are cracks and imperfections, they will appear on their own time. You don't need to dig them up yourself. Let things unfold where they may.

Ulyssessgirl
02-27-2012, 07:47 AM
Thank you Bellydancer for your reply. It made me rethink about what I could now to make a difference in my behavior. First and foremost, stopping the negative behavior and pushing away and just letting it be. I've never really given it that opportunity because I'm too busy doing otherwise.
Also. Just wanted to say that my beau and I are long distance too. :cute