View Full Version : Relationship Patterns-Being Used

02-23-2012, 01:06 PM
I hate to admit this, but I feel like I keep ending up in the SAME relationship with different guys. I try to think of myself as a strong person, but somehow I always end up with a guy who just wants me for sex and doesn't value anything about me or the relationship....and for some reason, I allow it. When I write it all out, it sounds so ridiculous, yet somehow when I'm getting into the situation, I can justify it in my mind...or I actually don't see it turning into that (I think I want to keep the guy so badly that I allow certain little things until before I know it, there I am in the same exact situation before I even realize what happened).

I've told therapists about this before and they all seem baffled, but I wanted to put it out there to the fishies and see if anyone else has had the same experience. Also, for some reason, I tend to date older men (even though I had no "issues" related to my Father and in fact still have a great relationship with him). In my case, older men are just easier to date because I can see them less, which for me has translated to keeping my ED AND the guy.

Any thoughts, or anyone willing to share their experiences? Also, for those who have recovered, does it change once you start to value yourself more? Thanks!!

02-23-2012, 02:36 PM
I used to think I dated men who were emotionally unavailable. When I started rooting myself in recovery, i realized that I chose men like that because I needed to keep my distance in order to keep my ed. Perhaps you are choosing poorly in order to have your cake (dating) and eat it too (ed). You cant really have a fulfilling relationship or true intimacy living two diffrent lives....you already know this. A nice guy who is eager for a real relationship will want more time together, regardless of his age.