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View Full Version : where is the line:accepting urself truly vs. accepting urself through a relationship?


nefretiti
02-18-2012, 11:42 AM
so i've been discussing with my t this thing about searching acceptance through people and men. and i realised some patterns i did before. i guess some of you could recognize those feelings of feeling better about yourself when a guy likes you. at least i did. it was one of the things i liked and also that scared me. and now, on recovery, and pretty much engaged with trying to like and love myself i find myself not quite able to say what is my old pattern and what is just a true happiness about myself and a relationship....

not to mention that i am not enthusiastically optimistic about possibility to actually like my whole self at one point in the future. i did start to acknowledge that i do have so many nice caractersitics and i started to like my personality again. but body issues just seem to be impossible to overcome ever.

so the thing is: i am trying to accept myself and respect myself and step out of codependant relationships. that is a hard work but i seem to be improving. especially with my already made relationships with my family friends etc. but what with new once? so now i like this guy and i have a plan to practice the same strength and self respect and to have a true good relationship if that turns out to be possible. and i like myself as a person and i understand why he likes me and that's fine. BUT

one big BUT: i don't like my body. i feel insecure about it. and i don't see why would he like it. AND when he starts telling me all those nice things like : i like your long legs, or i like your thies or i like your waistline.... that seems scary and i panick and want to fix it thinking something must be wrong, cause i do think sth is wrong there no matter what he says. pointing out seems to be even harder to me. anyways, then i try to concentrate on that part of "i like" and it seems to me so nice, it feels good, and i think i might not look so bad in the end, and i become to be a bit happy bout myself, the way i look i mean.

so, is this now not truly accepting myself cause i trust his judgement on how i look, or this means i am challenging MY thoughts and accepting that some other people might think different of me and just trying to take it as it is?