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sick_of_the_fear
02-15-2012, 09:23 PM
Hey fishbowl,

I am dating this wonderful guy and he is very good and diligent on pointing out what he believes are good qualities in me, and why he likes me and blah blah blah. I am not, and generally HATE compliments from people I usually just make a joke or change the subject, but he is just so darn genuine of a person it is hard to do that with him.

Part of the problem is that he says it all the time and I hate it when you compliment someone and they feel the need to quickly complement your shoes or something. It is fine for normal social interactions but they lack sincerity in my opinion and don't want it to be that way with him. Secondly I am terrible borderline incapable at verbalizing my feelings good or bad.

He already knows I am like the least sappy girl of all time but part of me worries that if I don't tell him enough and that he is going to get worried. But the truth is I think he is amazing and just don't know how to really tell him that the way he does for me.

I don't know exactly what I want from this but I guess to know if anyone has dealt with this and how or if I am just crazy for complaining about something so minor.

escape needed
02-15-2012, 10:26 PM
I do understand this a lot. I am rubbish at being the caring one. Me and my friends usually joke how I am the stereotypical 'man' in the relationship (feelings, what feelings). In fact with my current guy I am constantly calling him a soppy git (which partially is due to my lack of soppiness.).

For me its about showing I care. This weekend his dad went into hospital in an emergency. I got dressed and met him there, and waited up with him. I might not say I care, and I mmight be decidedly unsoppy, but I do care and I can show that.

This isn't that satisfying a response. I look forward to hearing other :fishy thoughts on this, as it is something I do need to work on myself

axi
02-16-2012, 07:16 PM
Do you think part of your problem with receiving compliments is because you don't believe them deep down?

There is not really a need to return compliments. Simply smiling and saying thank you is a good acknowledgement.

Could you write a short note saying that you may not always say how you feel, but you wanted him to know? You could hand it to him and let him read it.

pantherr
02-17-2012, 12:09 AM
OMG this is like reading my own diary (if i had one).

I am in the EXACT same situation as you. My bf is also very good about telling me why/how much he likes me. Which is amazing. He's really great. I am terrible at emotions and talking about that kind of thing. The other night he asked me what I liked about him, and I totally froze. I have a whole freakin list in my mind, but I couldn't think or speak. I wanted to tell him that the thing I like most is that he's one of very few people - and the first guy ever - in my life that I trust. There isn't any one reason for that, but I don't think he needs me to list them all out. :touched

Also I swear, if he doesn't say I love you soon (maybe he is afraid I don't feel the same since I suck at expressing it?) I'm going to. I just need to work up the courage, because that's so scary to me.

sick_of_the_fear
02-20-2012, 10:23 PM
Escape: I about died when you said your friend call you the man in the relationship because mine do the exact same thing! I say we just own it. Haha. As for showing that you care with your actions I am the same way with my friends and family I guess I just hope that will be enough for him ya know?

Axi: I am sure there is some deeper issue why I hate compliments and you may be right. After reading this I did try texting him some nice things. Nothing to mushy lets be honest I would probably burst into flames if I did but it is a start. :happy

Pantherr: Has he or you said the big L word?... I am interested in this one now. If you feel feel it go for it! :) I had a guy that was into the idea of dating (I was not) and he asked me the same thing and I know what you mean about freezing up I about died.

Overall I am super PUMPED that I am not the only who does this.:hairy

escape needed
02-21-2012, 01:55 AM
Glad I'm not alone being the man in the relationship. I don't know if my actions alone are worth it, but it is who I am. My friends know me, they know who I am and if they can't accept that, then why are we friends. I cannot change myself to fit in with everyone elses expectations