View Full Version : Staying friends with an ex..?

02-14-2012, 04:45 PM
So I was seeing a guy, not for very long but enough time for me to really fall for him, and he constantly told me he really liked me too. Things were going really well, but we didn't see much of each other and it was beginning to bother me so I told him honestly I really liked him and wanted to see more of each other.
Well, long story short, he doesn't want that. He told me he likes me and wants to still see me (which i've said I can't do) but he just doesn't want anything serious atm. His last relationship ended really badly, he was engaged with a child and got cheated on with several other guys.

But he wants me and him to stay friends. I thought it was just the usual line, you know 'we can still be friends' but he wants us to still hang out together when we bump into each other on nights out. We live in a very small town, it's very very likely we will bump into each other in the pubs, as there are few and you always see people you know.

But my question is this: has anyone actually managed to stay 'just friends'? I mean, I still like him and want to see him but it's going to be so hard just being friends. How can I sit next to him in a pub and chat about everyday things, when we've been sleeping together and I really really like him?

I don't know, this is just a ramble really. I just wanted to know if anyone else has managed to stay friends with an ex? :(

02-14-2012, 04:57 PM
I'm cynical about this. I think it's possible to be friends with an ex, but not in your situation. For one thing, he's not really your ex, since you were never in a committed relationship. For another thing, his motives are questionable. He's obviously attracted to you but doesn't want a relationship...and yet, he still wants to hang out with you, just as friends? I don't buy it. I suspect he's looking for a friend with benefits, and he thinks he can exploit your feelings. Like, maybe if you keep hanging out with him, you won't be able to resist sleeping with him. He just doesn't want the sex to stop.

02-14-2012, 05:35 PM
Thanks for your reply.
I should've said in my original post, we've made it clear the sex has to stop. I said to him when he said about still seeing each other, that I'm not being his fuck buddy, and he said he doesn't want that at all. He said he still wants to hang out, we just can't go home together anymore.

02-14-2012, 05:52 PM

I've managed to stay friends with exes. But it was very superficial tbh. And my friends said it was just cuz they were hoping id change my mind. We tried to hang our but there was always tension.
Another guy i kept having to see cuz he was a part of the larger group of my friends. But everytime we got drunk we kissed. So it was really hard to be just friends.

I'm sure it's possible for some people. For me , it's more like trying to keep peace and stay civil in case we bump into each other.

02-15-2012, 09:02 AM
You can pretend to be friends with someone you've been intimate with and still pine for, but it will likely prevent you from putting effort into seeking potential new mates and opens the door for dangerous emotions like insecurity, jealousy, uncertainty, anxiety, etc. You are hoping he will see hoe cool.you are and want to date you and he is hoping that on occasion he can have sex with you without conmittment or complication. Saying "hi" when you see him and being nice is different, and if he chooses to pursue you again then win win. But don't give him what he needs while you are left lacking.