View Full Version : Potential new friend!

02-04-2012, 02:38 PM
A guy I knew in high school friended me on facebook a while ago. Not quite sure why, we were never friends, but you know facebook... Anyway, I moved away from our hometown and as it turns out his sister lives here too. For some reason he thought we should meet each other. Again, I don't know why, as he and I know virtually nothing about each other. But he gave me her number and I called, and we had a great conversation! So apparently he did know what he was doing. We are going to meet for coffee when we can match up our schedules.

I am nervous about my appearance. I am what they call "morbidly obese." (I'm healthy as a horse, so I don't know why that term is used. :confused ) At any rate, I'm quite a large lady and I am always afraid of being rejected because of my size.

I am probably more conscious of my size than anyone else is, but our society does have a prejudice, and it always worries me. She sounds like a lovely lady. She used to work with people with developmental disabilities and said that was her favorite job, which shows a big heart and an openness to people outside the mainstream of life.

My appearance is under renovation at the moment... new clothes, new hair, started wearing makeup again. I hadn't really taken care of my appearance for years and just recently started feeling like I deserve to look nice, no matter my size. So I have a few nice outfits to choose from now, and feel a bit more confident. I have noticed that large women who take good care of themselves and are confident carry less stigma. If you treat yourself like you are pretty and valuable, other people are more likely to also.

Does anyone have any tips for meeting a new person? Dos and Don'ts? I feel very reassured by our easy conversation, but don't want to make a blunder.

Feed back and encouragement very welcome!

02-04-2012, 03:34 PM

Ooh, this is exciting!

If you had a nice conversation on the phone, I imagine this will translate well when you meet up. I don't think you really need Dos and Don'ts, because you strike me as being a warm, sensitive person who would *just* do the right thing anyway, but for what it's worth:

:happy Do smile. Not like a maniac, obviously, but it's usually nicer chatting to someone who smiles than someone who looks straight-faced all the time.

:happy Do ask questions and be interested in what the other person says.

:happy Do tell them interesting things about you, your likes, and things that show the real you. There's no point in pretending to be something you're not - if you're cool and the other person is cool, they will pick up on your general coolness, even if they are not into the same things as you or have different views.

:happy Do allow yourself to laugh at yourself if necessary, but in a way that shows self-confidence, rather than a lack of it. E.g. I make a point of mentioning a trashy teen soap opera I watch whenever there's an appropriate time to mention it - I know that none of my friends/collegues watch it and they think it's crap, but I don't care - I like it, and it's like a silly ice-breaker.

:ummm Don't over-think things, otherwise you'll be anxious and won't enjoy yourself!

:ummm Don't forget what a nice person you are.

I hope it goes well. :bounce

02-05-2012, 02:12 AM
:hugon Hyzethlay :hugoff

Thank you for your encouragement. :happy

I have decided to bring a school year book along. I figure we could point out people we knew and laugh at the hairstyles. We were teenagers in the eighties and that was a particularly bad decade for hair.

02-05-2012, 02:46 AM
Oooh, have fun! I had a few of these 'blind date' meetings last year and I've found that I am more concerned about my size than they are.

I think the yearbook is a great idea. It will give you guys something to look at/talk about to get over the jitters.

02-05-2012, 11:20 AM
i think you will go great. What an unexpected surprise!

I am so glad that you are making some changes, not because you need to, but because you want to and feel that you deserve it and and have the energy to. I think feeling confident and comfortable in how you look and act is important and affects how you present yourself regardless of size.

I find meeting new or slightly new people very hard, so I think you are being brave. I see your confidence growing these past months. You are really taking steps to get out in life and be with people and experience things. you are not sitting at home hiding from the world. I know this is more indepth than you were probably looking for here, but I really believe that developing an active, interesting fullfilling life will be so great for you and perhaps make dealing with your ED and other things you struggle with a bit easier as you have great reasons to do it. ( i mean this in the most loving way possible, and not as an insult).

If for some reason it does not turn out how you had hoped, just think of it as another bit of practice with people and doing brave things. Have a great time! Let us know how things go. (I wish I was this brave and could meet new friends)

02-06-2012, 12:49 AM
I've definitely noticed that generally, the only person concerned with your size is your self. We tend to think people are a lot more critical of us than they actually are. Remember- she has her hang-ups too, and is most likely going to be just as nervous, if not more, than you are! You seem like such a lovely person- get out there and let everyone see just how wonderful you are! :) And as cats said, if for some reason it doesn't go as well as you had hoped, its fantastic practice! Keep getting yourself out there and enjoy life! Good luck, love!