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View Full Version : He broke it off... scared of intimacy and comittment


beautifulallthetime
02-02-2012, 02:23 AM
Here is the update: He decided to break up due to some issues he was having with not feeling attracted enough, fears of intimacy and comittment. Fine. Ok. Then he tells me that wants to stay friends and develop a close friendship keeping the door open with the possibility of this developing again into something. Hmm....Then he said that my body type is not what he is really attracted to. He wants someone smaller. At that point I lost it. Very sad and angry. Thoughts anyone?

ducksquack
02-02-2012, 06:35 AM
Breakups are so difficult regardless of the reasons.

Some people can stay friends however for me that never
worked out. I found it best to move on.

Everyone has their own definition of beauty and attraction
and its not something you need to take personally. Some
like somone tall, short, average, or whatever and that is
life unfortunately.

You for example have your own 'likes' in another person.

I am sorry you are going thru this however it is good that
this person has let you know their truths. It sounds like he
has a lot of issues to work on.

god bless.

sflathinker
02-02-2012, 07:51 AM
So he wants to keep his options open just in case he doesn't find anyone else? No....that isn't right. Either he wants you or he doesn't. I've met great guys who I really wish I felt that spark with..but I don't and you can't manufacture that spark. There were many reasons, but usually it came down to chemistry. Duck is right, I tend to be attracted to a specific type, but have had boyfriends who don't look like that. You are beautiful no matter what and even if you became what he is saying he wants...he would still find a reason to walk away because a man (or woman) who lacks that spark with someone isn't saying that it's about a physical trait, it's about something they feel and what they want to feel is missing. I'm sorry. But don't allow him to toy with you by giving him an open door to come back when he realizes that the grass isn't greener.

mjseven
02-02-2012, 03:07 PM
You should never be an "option" or "back-up" plan for anyone, no matter how great they are or seem to be. Besides, would you be satisfied as being the one he just ended up with? You want to be loved for who you are, not because the other person couldn't make any other relationship stick. And I agree with sflathinker, "you are beautiful no matter what." You truly are, so go out there and find someone who loves you just as you are. I am sorry that you have to go through this break-up, but don't let what he said discourage you. You can do better, you really can.

Anabel
02-02-2012, 04:19 PM
Don't feel sorry or sad because of that guy, if I were you I wouldn't even stay friends with him, my ex once told me he wouldn't have really liked me if I wasn't so skinny and that's when I ended it... he meant it as a compliment but seriously? you're not an object sweetie.

I hope you feel better

axi
02-02-2012, 07:25 PM
I am wondering how developing a close friendship will leave you feeling. It seems that he would be getting his needs met while you might still be waiting around hoping for more.

He had this issue long before you met him and I think it will continue until he is ready to face it. You need to do what is best for you.

It also seems like he wanted to put you on the defensive by saying your body type wasn't what he wanted. He didn't have a reason to say that except perhaps to ding your self-esteem and make you more likely to stay friends with him because you were less confident you could attract someone else.