View Full Version : Deflated

01-30-2012, 09:47 PM
Hi everyone,

I had a really good day today- I am struggling with recovering from bulimia. But I made it to all my classes, made a strong effort to focus on the good qualities and inner strengths that I have instead of my appearance...and I even scheduled an appointment with a therapist, for the first time in years....

Then this evening my husband got mad at me for something stupid that I don't completely understand...quarters at the coin op laundry I think....and we were supposed to go grocery shopping afterward....and he took his anger out on me by pretty much shoving my ED in my face...which he brings up whenever he gets mad at me....he said to me "Why would I buy groceries when you eat half of it, and the other half ends up in the garbage?".... I can understand the frustration of family members, but this really was not a present issue...I had bought him several meals in the past few days, and treated him... and vice versa.... but anyway, I cried, he said sorry and apologized. We talked about it....

But I feel so totally deflated now. All the momentum I had from my successes earlier in the day is gone... I have a lot to do, and I feel totally useless....nothing sounds appealing right now... my husband is playing computer games again...and I'm pretty sure he would be mad if I brought the issue up again... I don't know how to make myself feel better. I feel like a failure. I could use some ideas on what to do... Thank you in advance.

01-31-2012, 02:17 PM
Oh, believing, I'm so sorry. I would give you a huge hug right now if I could. First, I want to say I'm proud of you for focusing on your good qualities in the day and that you scheduled an appointment. You need to know, which I'm sure you already do, that this is absolutely wonderful! Good for you!

As for what your husband does, throwing your ED in your face, I think that's highly inappropriate and I'm so sorry you have to go through that. I'm hurt for you that he would say such a thing to someone in recovery, and you don't deserve that, not one bit. Have you ever discussed with him how it makes you feel? Have you ever asked him to not lean on your ED as a retort subject when he's angry? I can understand why you feel deflated. Just because someone apologizes, that doesn't mean it takes that comment away or the damage it has done.

I wish I could say something to you so that you may regain your momentum of the previous morning. But I will say this: you are in recovery, and that takes some serious courage; courage many will never understand. Even if you are struggling, you are fighting for yourself, and that makes you one hell of a beautiful person. Keep focusing on your good qualities and inner strengths, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself when your husband throws your ED at you in a negative way, because you shouldn't let anyone use that as an argument against you. Keep fighting, believing, because you're worth it! *hugs* *hugs* *hugs*

01-31-2012, 07:49 PM

:gimmehug if wanted

Sounds like you were having a good day up until this evening, it might be hard to feel this way about it now, but your success from earlier is still completely valid, and something to be proud of :lubdub I understand what you mean about feeling frustrated about people thowing Ed back in your face when it's completely irrelevant, my dad used to do that to me all the time when I was still living at home. What I tried to do is except that sometimes people who haven't had an Ed themselves won't understand just how hard and important those small accomplishments are and might come across as insensitive due to that, and also that it's frustration that comes from loving someone and not understanding why they have an Ed and why they can't just stop. It doesn't make it any less inappropriate or disrespectful, but it helped me to think about it that way :cute you really should let him know how much this upset you though, and how you ARE in recovery, and trying very hard no less, his acting this way isn't helping you in the slightest

02-03-2012, 08:01 PM
I know he doesn't get it. I try to be sensitive to that. There are a lot of little things that I do and I do not get any slack from him, but I think we are both needing to make some changes. He is easily angered, and has a kind of an addiction to online gaming.
I have started to learn to try to empathize with him when he is mad at me, and just tell him I understand his feelings, and then later when he has calmed down I talk to him. That way he does not get so defensive. Somehow I have to recover in spite of his anger bursts because they aren't going away any time soon.... for instance, tonight he got mad at me because I wanted to watch one episode of Colbert on my computer, and that would slow the internet for his gaming that he has been doing all day... and so he got mad, and I got food....even though I wasn't hungry....etc.
I have to be able to handle this, because getting into it with him just makes me feel worse. I need some way to be ok. Some kind of mantra or something. I really suck at handling life. I never know how to make myself feel better. All the things I can think of feel hollow.
Thank you for the support and hugs.