PDA

View Full Version : Hahaha!-...okay you can stop now.


coffee-
01-26-2012, 02:29 AM
So I've been seeing this guy and things are going pretty well..I'm quite happy for once actually, he's different than all of the other shallow guys I've dated who dated me solely for looks (and pretty much told me this straight to my face).
However, I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS ONE LIKES ME!
I know that it doesn't really matter, but come on, he's got to give me something.

We both have a very sarcastic sense of humour so when we joke around emotions are not spared. We get pretty mean at times but we both know that it's in jest. However, this is starting to bother me a bit..which is weird because I'm pretty thick skinned for this sort of thing.

I think it's because of the lack of positive reinforcement, there's no balance between "loser" and well...some sort of compliment, anything!! Mutual friends have told me that he's actually shy and likes to play hard to get..maybe that's why?

I come off as really confident and sure so I don't think he's realizing that this starting to hurt. I don't want to sound like a kill joy and but part of me wants to straighout say ok: stop calling me a worthless drunk, a geek, uncoordinated..or comparing me to yoda. Say something flattering!

This is not fun. SOrry for the rant.

sick_of_the_fear
01-26-2012, 04:05 AM
I just wanted tell you that I have this issue with my best friend/roommate. I grew up in one of the most sarcastic families of all time and I think a lot of my sarcasm rubbed off on her over the years. This would be fine but it got to the point where the only thing her and my other roommate would do was nit pick at every single mannerism, movement, action, or physical feature I had when ever we were in the same room together (as roommates you can see where this would become irritating).

I relate to the “thick skin” but everyone has there breaking point where you start to believe the negativity and become self conscious about everything you do or say in fear that it will be the next punch line.

Now I am not playing the victim by any means because I dished out my fair share as well. That is just how we communicated. But the ganging up was hard, and even harder was the fact that is was all insults all the time and nothing nice was ever said (and I mean never). Even 'compliments' were said with an insulting undertone (I didn't even know that was possible!)

I finally got the point to where I was sick of it and I would never admit it to anyone other than here but it started to really hurt. So I started to make a conscious effort to say something truly nice to her each day. It didn't have to be sappy like “You are the best person ever I am so glad we are besties I can't imagine life with out you blah blah blah” screw that haha. I just mean if I liked her hair that day or she did well on an exam or something that I voiced kudos to her in a non sarcastic way.

Some improvement has been made since I am not saying that it fixed everything but I and also too chicken and I guess proud to tell her I was hurt. But my advice to you is...
a.) try to make an effort to put out more positivity
b.) if that doesn't work you need to tell him. Who knows maybe he is thinking the same thing about you, you could be the one to break the cycle with some kind words.

Good luck and take care :)

Cypress
01-26-2012, 07:21 PM
There is a difference between sarcastic and insulting. You can be sarcastic without insulting anyone. Relying on name-calling and childish insults is an immature way of showing you that he doesn't have a real sense of humor. That's a third-grader's idea of funny.

Lighthearted teasing is OK once in awhile, but it sounds like this has crossed the line into taunting. He's acting like an annoying little brother. To never say anything sweet or complimentary to the person you're dating...that's a problem. How could there be any affection between you two when he's insulting you all the time?

coffee-
01-27-2012, 05:14 PM
Thanks for the feedback all; sometimes it helps just to get what you're feeling out.

Sick of the fear- I think you're on the right track. The other day he suggested out of the blue that we have a day of "niceness" with no insults. I kinda enjoyed this lol, and made sure to say so. Sure it's fun to joke around, but it can be tiring to deflect insults ********/****. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction.