View Full Version : New Boyfriend

01-25-2012, 08:23 AM
I hope I am in the right place here! I'm new to this so if I am posting in the wrong section, please let me know!

I am seeing someone new after dating the same guy for **** years (who new about my anorexia)
The new guy I am seeing has been asking why I am at the doctors so often and who this group is that I see often enough. (I am part of a support group for eating disorders). I told him not to worry about it and everything is fine.

My big debate is.. Do I tell him about my eating disroder? Most people do not have the first clue about them or have a negative view on it.. I dont want to hide anything from him bit I also dont want to alarm him or think I'm troubled, etc!

Any advice?!

Thanks so much :) :phil

01-25-2012, 10:28 AM
First of all, welcome, and yes I think you're in the right place. My first question would be, how long have you been dating, and how long have you known him for? Would I tell a new boyfriend after one date, no probably not. But it sounds like you've been together long enough for him to notice your group meetings and doctor visits. What finally made me decide to tell my bf was when I felt ****. it was or would start effecting our relationship and ****. because I started slipping more heavily into behaviors, and I knew he would eventually need to know.

Now, I will say that my bf and I had been friends for two years before we dated, and we were several months into our relationship. Each situation is different, but I would say that you might want to tell him if he's already starting to notice things. Do what you feel you are emotionally capable of doing. Good luck, and let us know if you need support, that's what we're here for :)

01-25-2012, 12:41 PM
Thank you! :)

We have gone on **** dates but talk all the time over text message so he will ask me what I am up to o, and without thinking I reply "doctors"...

I dont know that I am emotionally able to let him know. I feel like he will judge me and perhaps run the other way. He seems like a great guy but to throw something at him like that so early.. I'm hesitant. We have not known eachother for long at all.
At the same time, because he is noticing odd behaviour, I feel like I should!

Hope this helps and thank you so much!

01-25-2012, 02:05 PM
From my personal experience, I almost told my bf before I was emotionally ready too. If I had done it then, I know I would have either made it seem like it wasn't as bad as it really was by downplaying it, or I wouldn't have been as honest because I would have been too afraid of his judging me. If it's starting to seriously effect your relationship, like you're in an off mood and it's hurting him, then I do think you should tell him. And you have the strength to do this. I was absolutely terrified before I told my bf, shaking in fact. But I sat straight, looked him in the eye, took a deep breath, and went for it. I prepared what I wanted to say beforehand, not saying too much to overwhelm, but enough so he understood how serious it was. I was very fortunate that my bf listened, held my hands, and said he'd be there for my recovery.

But I told myself before I told him anything that if he had a problem with this, judged me, ran away, or whatever, that that was his problem, not mine. Your bf may not understand what this means right away; he may not get why you feel the way you do towards food. But that does not mean he can't respect and support you. My bf doesn't get it, I know he doesn't. But he respects that my relationship with food isn't always healthy and supports me on my good and bad days.

Whenever you decide to tell him, it will be hard, but it's one step on your road to recovery. Even if you're not ready now, you should eventually tell him since it's something you are dealing with. Have you tried to tell anyone else? Perhaps a friend or family member? Not that I want to say practice on them, but sometimes telling someone you know a little better can help you feel more comfortable. Sorry, this is really long, so I'll end this by saying I think that it will be best for both of you if, when you tell him, you are sure it's the right thing to do at that time. That way you can say what you need to say and won't regret it. I think you're stronger than you think, and you can do this. I hope this helped a little, sorry it was so long! :/

01-26-2012, 01:44 PM
That wasnt too long! That was the best advice I have received! And it is great to hear others experiences with it as well!

You are right..

I have told a couple other people and was perfectly fine doing so because I knew it would not end up in a discussion... It was more of a "just so you know conversation".

Thank you sooooo much!! It feels wonderful to have people to talk to about this who truly get it! xo

01-26-2012, 02:26 PM
You are welcome! Anytime, it was truly my pleasure! Let us know how it goes!! *hugs*

02-29-2012, 11:35 AM
it went really well! he did not see it as an issue at all!!

02-29-2012, 03:22 PM
That's so FANTASTIC!!! Good for you! I hope everything continues to go well!! :)