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haddon
01-23-2012, 01:35 PM
i think i have lost all sexual desire!! and for me its a huge deal bc i have always been a very sexual person!!!

since my divorce i have only allowed myself to go on one actual date, but have had plenty of one night stands...until yesterday. i went on a second date with same man i went out with before christmas. i know he likes me alot and he calls and texts three or four times a week since the first date always wanting to go out again. i have known this man for a few years and he has such a kind heart. we havent slept together, well, weve slept together but it really was just sleep and this was a few years ago. the thing is, i know he could offer so many things to me, not just materially i mean friendship and companionship and comfort, but i just dont want to let myself get into a real relationship. i dont want the heartbreak and all the other negative things that happen in relationships.

but what im afraid of is that im getting into a pattern of avoiding true intimacy. and that if i continue to allow myself to avoid it that it will become a habit and i will end up a lonely old cat-lady. the thought of being hurt and having to go through all the pain and emotions of loving someone just terrifies me. i feel like i have become jaded. on top of that i have zero desire for sex, so i dont even care if i have a one night stand.

sflathinker
01-23-2012, 02:59 PM
Healing means being honest and sometimes you need time to reflect on the decisions you've made so you dont repeat the same patterns. Maybe you aren't ready for any type of relationship. There's no time table. The more painful the last relationship, the more time it may take. Society pressures us to be in a relationship or seeking one. But you can lead a very fulfilling life just being happy on your own.

haddon
01-23-2012, 04:42 PM
after re-reading this post i see ive talked more about fear of intimacy than loss of sexual desire. and dont think they are related. im pretty sure im more concerned about sexual desire as i know i have huge intimacy issues. im sure ive used sex in the past as a replacement for intimacy. now i dont even have that and dont know if this is a phase or what. i feel like a big part of me is gone and i dont know why.

cuddy
02-08-2012, 09:44 AM
Haddon life is all about living and exxperiencing things. You don't want to be alone...it just sounds like your marriage was rocky and your scared to give anyone a chance. Not every man is out to hurt you. I know from past experiences that not every guy is the same....
Maybe try counselling as it would help deal with some of your past issues.
Give this guy a chance and take it slow and see where it goes. Try and go out on a half dozen dates without having sex and see how you feel about this guy.