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LifeLover
01-22-2012, 11:34 AM
I was wondering if anyone else regards being bullied in (high) school an issue that is related with getting an Ed. For me, I think it is. I havenīt found a therapis yet, but thinking about it, there are connections.
I was victimized in school for a few years and i feel that that really had some longterm effects on how i perceived myself and how i believed others perceived me. And it still does. In a lot of ways I believe this feeling of self-hate, feeling ugly and stupid very much contributed to wanting to change so derperately to the positive in some way. Any way.
Though i rationally know that being bullied doesnīt make you a less worth person, even today the feeling of being worthless, stupid and different is still-to some extent- inside of me.
Does anyone have experiences to share?

bellydancer
01-22-2012, 11:41 AM
Hi LifeLover,

Yes, I was bullied in elementary school and I consider it one of the primary triggers for my ED. I blamed myself for the situation, and I took it out on myself. My ED was me continuing the abuse that I'd already suffered and that everyone else had long forgotten about. I've since worked through this. I placed the blame where I believe it belongs--primarily on the adults who did nothing because they didn't want to stick their necks out.

But through recovery, I was able to heal this part of myself. I no longer have the same thoughts and feelings that I did before. It's over and in the past for me. I didn't think I'd be able to do it, but I did.

ducksquack
01-22-2012, 12:58 PM
I too was bullied and it did have a huge impact on me. It
happened in primary school but also in high school.

When I started my recovery I looked back and saw that
I felt similar to you before the bullying started however
the bullying certainly reinforced my beliefs.

My early beliefs about myself, others and life were very
distorted as my perception simply didnt work well so I
ended up feeling worthless, unlovable, bad and many
other negative feelings, thoughts and beliefs.

It took a lot of hard work and time for me to overcome
these issues and I am sure you will find your answers
too.

god bless.

LifeLover
01-22-2012, 02:34 PM
thank you both of you! :happy
How did you two do it? Did you have a therapist, supportgroup, did you work on it yourself?

ducksquack
01-22-2012, 03:18 PM
My recovery actually started twenty-two years ago
in AA when I almost died from alcoholism. I found
people in AA who had found their answers and who
liked themselves and could deal with life on its terms.
I 'followed' them until I got what they had. They were
my teachers/mentors/friends who guided me along in
my recovery and gave me their experience, strength
and hope. I also have a T and a psychiatrist who were
also helpful.

After fifteen years in AA a series of major life losses
occured and I crashed and developed my ED as a
means of coping with the horrible pain and losses.
It was then that I found ABA (Anorexics and Bulimics
Anonymous) and OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and
found people there who showed me what had worked
for them. Like before I followed those who had what
I wanted.

Professional support was something I needed however
the most help has come from those who had already
recovered however I did have a T who had solid sobriety
and one who had recovered from her own ED.

Recovery for me is a life long journey as I believe both
my addictions can return and kill me if I dont use extreme
caution one day at a time.

I am an addict and my mind is my worst enemy. I do
know that recovery works however I need to do the work.

Everyone is different and yet in many ways we are the same.

You have come a long way and that is wonderful to hear. There
are many different versions of recovery and its always good to
hear that people are striving for freedom as EDs are a complex
and insane illness.

god bless.

bellydancer
01-22-2012, 03:54 PM
Hi LifeLover,

It took me a long time. My parents got me a therapist just after I went through it, but at the time I was too close to it to have much perspective on it. I'm glad that they were proactive, but I don't think it helped much because I didn't have any real ability to process it at that point.

When I was an adult and working toward ED recovery, I primarily worked with therapists. There weren't really any ED support groups in my area, at least not that I could attend due to my work schedule. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy really helped me get past it the most. It helped me to communicate with the girl that went through all of it, tell her that it's ok and that things can get better and that she's not worthless. It helped me to put the blame where it belongs.

I also did some writing about it. Nothing I published or sent, or really even kept. I ripped most of it up, but I wrote a lot of letters to the people involved, telling them how it all affected me and my life. As I said, I never sent them, but I reached a point where I was no longer so angry. Eventually, I just reached a place where I'd said everything I felt I needed and wanted to say.