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View Full Version : He Lied to me


pourlikerain
01-20-2012, 04:41 PM
Hi fishies,

So I have been dating this guy for almost **** months. We moved in together about a month ago. A lot of people told me that we were moving too fast, but I decided to take the plunge. So we moved in together and its been good! He studies a lot during the week and we spend late evening time together and definitely weekends. I enjoy his friends and he enjoys mine.

I wrote on here awhile ago when we first started dating that he had been on dating sites, but I asked him about it and he said that it was his roommate who was using his computer. So I decided to trust what he said and move on.

Well last night, I was on the computer and wanted to get back on a website that I had been on so I went to the history and I saw a lot of dating sites in the history. And they were like xdating or sex dating sites.. :( So I asked him about it this morning and he lied saying that they were popups. Last night when I saw them, he had his profile still active... I didn't say all that this morning but just mentioned that I had seen them in the history and he lied... :(

I am going to bring it all up tonight and ask him why he lied and why he is on the sites in the first place if he is LIVING with me. BUT I signed a lease with him. SO I am afraid of what might happen tonight.

What would other fishies do if in the same situation? I am still very angry and HURT right now..

pourlikerain
01-20-2012, 04:56 PM
But I do want to make this work, for the most part, depending on how the convo goes tonight. He has become my best friend and is really good to me...or so I thought.

sprout
01-20-2012, 06:40 PM
I think your feelings of anger and hurt are quite justified. It sounds like he's lied to you a few times.
And like you, I wonder why he is decided to move in with you if he wants to see other people??? Have you talked about what kind of committment you have? Is it possible that he thinks of you as a roommate/friend/girlfriend, but not an exclusive relationship?

I hope your conversation tonight goes well. I hope he comes clean and has a good explanation.

If it were me, I really don't think I'd be able to trust him again.

bellydancer
01-20-2012, 07:53 PM
PLR,

You probably don't want to hear this right now, but I echo your friends' concern. At the end of November, you'd been dating a week and a half, so that means you've known this person for about two months as of now. That's not long enough to really know what you're getting into. There have been redflags about this relationship since the very beginning.

Someone who is lying to you is neither your best friend, or any kind of friend, nor is that being good to you. Even if there is an innocent explanation (which sounds pretty doubtful), if you have this many questions about honesty at this point in your relationship, then what are you expecting in the long term?

I rarely actually tell anyone to break up with anyone, but this whole situation moved way too fast. You need to find a way out of it as soon as possible before it goes even further.

pourlikerain
01-23-2012, 12:20 PM
I moved out. I decided that I deserved better! I think I actually stayed so long bc he was good to me in a lot of other ways and I saw life as going in a good direction with him--like nice house, good times, good friends, etc. And he provided well for me--none of which should be reasons to ignore lies and stay longer. I moved out mostly (except for my bed) and am staying with a friend until I find a place to move into!

It all kinda sucks, but I am glad I got myself out ASAP--I deserve better. And I am glad that I stopped settling for someone who lied to me and acted like I was the crazy one.

I am glad, but now I am homeless!! :( And I still have to go back to move my bed out of there.

Praying!

bellydancer
01-23-2012, 12:30 PM
Hi PLR,

I'm glad that you got out of the relationship before it went any further.

I think you might also consider whether you form inappropriate levels of attachment to people that you don't know very well.

sflathinker
01-23-2012, 01:15 PM
People who lie will justify their lies. People who forgive liars will be lied to again. Knowing someone before jumping into such a serious commitment is important...you might not need a year or two, but patterns tell a lot and you need time to see what someone is like.

pourlikerain
01-23-2012, 01:40 PM
Yeah, definitely, I definitely went into it too fast. And looking back, there were a lot of red flags... I am going to spend this next period of my life working on me, and taking a break from guys, to figure myself out and WHY I went into this last relationship so fast and being so trusting.... But I am definitely glad to be out of it!

Violet Rose
01-23-2012, 01:43 PM
Way to go, pourlike rain! I'm glad you saw the way this was going and changed course.

framewall
01-23-2012, 01:50 PM
wow.

That is so amazing! Good for you!

I am going through a pretty rough time, brutal relationship issues right now, all of which I am trying to figure out...

to see you stand up for yourself with such confidence, to see you doing what you know in your heart you need to do for yourself...it is an inspiration :shy

axi
01-24-2012, 07:06 PM
I am so glad you stood up for yourself. Do you have a temporary place to stay or plans of how to get a new place?

pourlikerain
01-27-2012, 02:50 PM
I am staying with a coworker/friend. I move out this Sunday tho--found a place with some nice girls my age!

Gahh...this has all been hard tho! Total transition. I still have to go back and get my bed, but a couple guy friends are going with me and have a truck... And then I should be all done. And there are times I miss him SO MUCH... But I wouldn't be able to date him knowing that he is a player and lies to me... I am better off without him!

My name is still on the lease tho...so I don't know if I should try to get it off the lease? Right after we broke up, he said not to worry, there would not be any late payment or anything. His name is also on the lease, so if anything did happen, he would be screwing himself over... I believe him when he says that, but one of my friends says just to get it removed from the lease to be safe...

What would you do?

bellydancer
01-27-2012, 02:57 PM
Hi PLR,

If you've signed the lease, then there's probably not be anything that you can do until the lease is over. You're still legally liable for the rent being paid, just as he is, until the term of the lease ends. That might be a risk that you're just going to have to take, though. Have you talked to your landlord to see if there's any recourse? If you and your ex agree, you might be able to work something out. It couldn't hurt to ask, even though your landlord isn't legally obligated to help you.

sflathinker
01-27-2012, 04:19 PM
I signed a lease with someone and we broke up before I moved in. We asked the landlord to put in an addendum starting that my ex was the sole occupant and I was not liable. It worked fine and I didn't need to worry or speak with the ex again.

pourlikerain
01-27-2012, 04:52 PM
I called the apt to see what to do to get my name off the lease, and they said that if the other person agrees to pay the whole amount, we just both need to sign a lease release, which would be great and fine.

So I texted him and asked when we could meet up at the rental office to both sign a lease release and he said "I don't know if I want to sign that, bc you kinda screwed me over. I will think about it today.." GAH!!! I mean he said he will think about it, so at least it wasn't a straight no, but I am PRAYING hardcore that he will agree to sign it. I cannot afford to end the lease early or pay rent there and somewhere else....

This has really been the only bump in our breakup... So I am hoping and praying he will agree. Then he can get another roommate or something... I never meant to screw him over...I mean I feel screwed over too... I hate that he said it like that...

Help! Gah...

pourlikerain
01-27-2012, 05:58 PM
He agreed to sign the lease release, so I will be off the lease!! Praise the Lord! I was really worrying...

After this Sunday (when I move my bed--guy friends are helping me), I will be DONE with him! Praise the Lord!

bellydancer
01-27-2012, 07:03 PM
That's great PLR!

TennisLady
01-28-2012, 01:18 AM
Hi pourlikerain,

Good for you for doing this!

I had this problem with the last guy I was exclusive with. He wouldn't go off of dating sites and it eventually ended the relationship. It seems to be a big problem with the internet these days, as people don't want to take their profiles down and want to see "what else is out there", yet then that means a relationship is based on a lack of trust.

Keep this as a lesson learned for the future.