View Full Version : Waiting...and waiting.... for the first kiss from BF

01-19-2012, 09:56 AM
So I am in a relationship now with a love-shy man. From what I have read love-shyness is pretty much a chronic shyness and fear of relationships with the opposite sex for a variety of reasons. Love-shy men can overcome it with the right woman and have a healthy life, but it takes someone who brings them out of their shell. My BF definitley is love-shy. He is in his mid thirties, a virgin, never kissed a women. Love-shy men long for companionship, relationship but because of social anxiety have a hard time even asking the woman out of the first date. So many love-shy men just never have a relationship..... ever. But it isn't a life sentence. He said it took him a month to ask me out! We have had discussions about it and he said that although he wants to eventually kiss me I am going to need to be patient. It might take him more than a month to even be ready for that first kiss. We have held hands a few times and we do hug quite a bit. The first time I ever held his hand it lasted about thirty seconds. He was blushing and actually visibly shaking. This is all new to me, too. He has asked me to please be patient with his slow desires and I am willing to be as patient as I need to be. He is worth it.

I too am a virgin. I do have some experience with men, though, esp compared to him. Tonight we are going to dinner and then watch a movie at his house. My question is is it ok to lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek or the forehead? He said that he would of been totally fine if I would have taken the initiative and asked him out. He likes it when I take the initiative calling him or texting him. So I have no problem taking the initiative and leaning over to kiss him on the cheek or hand and thanking him for a good evening. I know that i will not cross the boundary and give him the first "real kiss/french kiss" though. I know he is not ready for that. I am going to wait a while and let the relationship take its course. That is going to be a major step when it happens.

This feels like a fine line wanting to respect his nervousness and inexperience and also wanting to express myself a little with a kiss on the cheek.

Do I just lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek or forehead or ask first?

Would appreciate anyone's experience with this.

01-19-2012, 10:06 AM
I think it would be perfectly ok to give him a peck on the cheek or forehead or hand. I like when in holding that he lifts my hand up and kisses it. Like just a wee quick peck. I find it sweet. Maybe you could start with that. Has hands are less intimate than faces.

But he said he likes when you take initiative so I'd go for it. Often anticipation of anything us worse than the event you're nervous about. So perhaps he would be fine if it happened and he had no time to worry about it.

Good luck. :love

01-19-2012, 10:22 AM
Thanks, MollyWolly! My fear is that he will feel I am too forward or trying to rush things. He is very happy with the relationship in the short term and wants to see where this is going to go. He has a very hard time seeing into the long term; I am very opposite. I think we complement each other in that way. He is very cautious and I just want to know what is going to happen.

I think much of his cautiousness stems from his upbringing with his emotionally neglectful parents, alot of rejection throughout his life and inexperience with women. I am the first woman in his life and he is experiencing alot of new stuff with me. I want to be sensitive. But I will admit I find it hard at times to be patient and hold off on my physical desires. He knows this. We talk openly about it. Love is patient. Love is kind.

01-19-2012, 10:29 AM
I would definitely start with a quick little kiss on the hand. The face is much more personal and intimidating. I think a kiss on the hand would be ok without permission, but you might consider asking first before a cheek kiss.

Although, there is an advantage of not asking in that he doesn't have time to get worked up or frightened.

Although this sounds like it is frustrating at times, I think you are very lucky to find a man that values and takes seriously the small things. So many of my relationships jumped right from talking to deep kissing without hand-holding. I am a bit envious...

01-19-2012, 10:30 AM
Love is patient and love is kind. That's lovely.

Well maybe start with the hand. That's not do forward.

you're right- you guys compliment each other.

There's no rule book for stuff like this. Just bevause other couples move faster doesn't mean you have to. Just because you both think differently doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

I think he sounds lovely. My bf was a virgin too. And painfully shy and reserved. And it was very slow in the beginning. But he was worth the wait. All the good ones are :grin

I still think if the moment feels right, that you should go with your gut and do what feels right. Let it all happen organically :)

01-19-2012, 11:13 AM
Awww... sweet posts. Thank you both! Sometimes my physical desires get a little strong when I am thinking about him or wanting to experience the next step. I am glad I waited and saved myself for him. And I am doubly glad he waited. He has seen me in an ED struggle, has sat with me in the ER and through the night when I was having a hard time with ED. I want to put him first and see what he needs. It is a very sweet relationship. I have never had anything quite like this. He always comes to the door, holds all doors, always pays. He is just amazing.

Something in me just knows he is the one. It's very sweet. But in the meantime I just don't want to push him away. He wants to enjoy what we have now and see what unfolds. I think that's good

He is definitley not as scared of relationships as when we first met. I can tell he is becoming more and more comfortable. He teases me and remembers details about our conversations. I want to be wonderful to him; put him first. It is beautiful.