View Full Version : Screwed it Up?

01-16-2012, 01:03 AM
So last week I was posting, freaking out about this guy cancelling on me. We went for coffee, had a good time and met up again yesterday.
Now I feel like I did screw up!
We met up after I worked, and on Saturdays after work is my "gym time". Instead, I boycotted exercise and went out to consume calories. I was proud of me :)
He offered me a ride home, the weather was gorgeous out and because I had no exercise that day and knew that I would spend the rest of the day studying I asked him to drop me off a few blocks early so I could walk home. He did so after some persuasion.
We parted a little awkwardly. Unlike the first time there was no "I had fun, let's do it again" or a parting hug. It was just...awkward.
I don't know if he thought I was weird b/c I made a big deal to walk.
Or maybe I seemed like a loser (when I get nervous I may make myself look bad- I make jokes at my own expense..I think they're funny but maybe they come off as insecure?)
For the past couple weeks we've been texting/msging back and forth and now it just seems forced, or like it's more from my end.

I really just want to straightout ask him: DO YOU LIKE ME?!!?!?!

But that will come off as desperate and insecure.


01-16-2012, 07:19 AM
You can't know what someone is thinking. Maybe he likes you, maybe he doesn't know yet. But pressuring someone to answer that question is kinda awkward and next time, perhaps you could say "I am really enjoying getting to know you, I like you" because everyone wants to know someone else likes them, men included. And it's better to share your feelings then force someone else to tell you theirs. There is no harm in what you did, the only harm is what you are doing now (obsessing). Focus on your life and let him contact you.. You will only appear desperate if you contact him OR if you bring it up again (ie, apologizing or making an excuse). You said it, no big deal.

01-16-2012, 10:33 AM
I completely agree with sflathinker about asking him how he feels. He may not know the answer to this question yet and letting him know you are interested in him might affect his answer anyway. I also would not apologize for walking home. Why would you feel sorry about that? It sounds like it was a lovely day for a walk :supergrin

There is one other thing I I'd consider if I were you; he might think he blew it somehow. Every little thing takes on exaggerated levels of importance for the first few dates for both parties, and I wonder how he interpreted walking home. Dates sort of have a script, and that probably wasn't what he was expecting. Maybe he planed to give you a hug and ask you out again at your door, and the early departure sort of threw him off his game. He may be just as worried about the awkwardness at the end of the date as you are, and he may think it was something he did.

I'd probably try to do something to reassure him that you would be interested in another date. I don't think a text that said "I had a great time yesterday. Thanks." would sound too desperate, and it would give him an invitation to respond by asking you out again. Of course, I could be wrong, and my current patterns would not exactly recommend me as a source of relationship advice (see my early thread :supergrin).

01-16-2012, 10:02 PM
sflathinker- I would never actually ask that. I would never want to be put on the spot like that and could never do it to someone else!!
Ananke- I never really thought about the fact that he though he could have screwed up haha, he's older than me, plus when we met I was a bit of a mess, so I guess I always saw myself as the one who had to prove something.

We've talked since and things seem to be okay. Fingers crossed :)
Thanks for the feedback- I can see myself back here in the near future freaking out about some other event haha, oh the joys of being an over-analyzer!

01-18-2012, 03:31 AM
you said you've always been seeing yourself as somebody who has to prove. that's a good start, stop trying to prove yourself, just be as you are, that is enough. if he likes you he will like you as you are, if he doesn't you don't need to prove why he should, then he's just not the right guy for now :)

01-18-2012, 06:18 AM
Relationships are the conduit to the best & sometimes the worst in life.
Relationships can be long term or quite brief.
Asking someone how they feel is a good thing to do. I think a person will tell you and you can take that.
I think lack of self esteem may prevent the asking of the question.
I suppose there's a difference between desperation & one's need to know something. Nothing is lost when you ask a question.
As for insecurity, don't we all have it? Maybe some just hide it much better.
I think we all get led astray by the MYTHS we have taken for gospel truth.
It might be a good time to start examining the self and asking what do I want?
If the answer is you want this guy, then ask him whatever it is you need to ask him.
You can ask him if he is interested in knowing you more. There's no harm in that.

01-18-2012, 07:49 AM
Not an unreasonable request by you to walk home.He may have wondered if you didn't want him to see your house.Don't beat yourself up,you didn't commit a crime.You don't want to be worrying all the time.