View Full Version : Sharing struggles with new BF while not pushing him away?

01-14-2012, 12:11 PM
So I am seeing someone now and have been for a short amount of time. Have been struggling recently. Thursday morning I was at the ER for relapse and he met me there, sat with me, drove me to a second hospital where I was able to speak with someone and receive resources. This guy is selfless and amazing. He puts me first and cares deeply. And it floors me. He wants me to share info with him and talk as much as I need to. But I am mortified that I am struggling during the very early part of our relationship. A part of me thinks that if he can see what is going on now and chooses to stick around that speaks volumes. But the other part of me is scared that this is going to seriously push him away.

He wants to know how to support me. Now that he has been to the hospital with me and I am opening up more and more, how do I share with him without totally overwhelming him? THere has to be a fine line there. Because it is the early stages of this relationship I just don't want to push him away or freak him out thinking that this is how it's going to be all the time. I want to him to wait it through because I am so much more than this struggle and I want him to see that.

How do I keep boundaries for myself in that I won't burden him or inundate him with too much too quickly, while at the same time allow him to learn and support me?

He said that it is scary and unusual because he doesn't have friends who call him in the middle of the night with this. He also said that he doesn't feel pushed away either. So, I don't want to be struggling at all, much less in front of him.

Any ideas?

01-19-2012, 02:20 PM
That is a tough situation, but it is great you are aware of the boundaries, pros, and cons. Also, I am super glad you have met such a supportive guy.

I usually did not tell guys at first. Then I noticed that I ended up dating guys with eating issues and histories of sexual abuse. I did not want that because I was drowning in my own stuff (and it was triggering)! So I wrote a lot of things out, and before I started dating my current husband I had him read all it and decided if A - he was okay with this and willing to be patient while i recover and B - if he has any of these issues because while it may be selfish, I did not want to date him if he did. That worked out well for me but I realize that everyone is very different.

So what if you just start out slowly. Like exploring a new town you recently moved to... you assume you have time to develop a good understanding and appreciation of the town so you take your time to explore what you are ready for in a quality way... so slowly open up to him. How does you feel about that?