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View Full Version : New relationship... when to bring recovery and the past into the discussion


beautifulallthetime
01-10-2012, 04:19 PM
I would love to hear anyone else's experience, strength and hope in this area of life. I recently started dating a guy. We are in the very early stages of a relationship and we both want to develop a strong friendship first. How will I know when it is time to talk about recovery, my journey, daily groups, activities I am involved in? The events are in the past, but I still maintain my recovery daily. I am not going to hide this part of who I am, but at the same time do not want to overwhelm him. As far as I can tell he is not in his own program.

Thanks for any experience you would like to share.

pantherr
01-10-2012, 05:34 PM
Hi beautiful,

I'd also like to hear what people have to say about this...I've been dating my current bf for a little over four months, and I have kept my ED and my recovery hidden from him. I have a lot of trouble sharing emotions (especially troubling/negative emotions) with anyone other than my mom. He's very, very good at reading people and has recently commented that I should just be honest with him about how I'm feeling since he's honest with me. I just don't know how. I don't know how to let people in that well.

Congratulations to you for your recovery :) and for considering how to be open with him. I think that's really wonderful.

sflathinker
01-10-2012, 08:20 PM
I tell a potential boyfriend upfront, within weeks of knowing them. I want someone who is supportive and I also want someone to make a decision for himself, before he has 'fallen' head over heels as to whether he can be supportive. If you wait too long sometimes that person feels obligated and they aren't really up for the challenge. Someone who can be there for you will just know he is capable. You aren't asking him to play the role of therapist, you are sharing something very important about who you are. I truly believe you aren't really to be in a serious relationship until you are ready to be honest about who you really are. There's nothing to be ashamed about. We all have skeletons, challenges and baggage, it's how we cope with these things that matter.

rollergirl
01-14-2012, 01:29 PM
I am in a new relationship and I told him upfront. I have a tattoo of a peace sign on my hip to remind me to have peace with myself and my body and he asked me about it and I told him that but didn't go into any details. I have been struggling recently so I've slowly started sharing details with him about how serious my ED used to be. There are still some things I don't share that I don't feel are important but he knows the jist of my ED. I told him I still see a N and T and he's always asking how I'm doing and I'm honest. A lot of people know about my ED, it's not something I have been afraid to hide. It's a part of my life, it's shaped and molded me into the person I am today and it's something I have learned and lost a lot from. I think it's important for me to share this information with someone I am in a relationship with early on because I need to know he is mature and not just going to run away when times get tough.

TennisLady
01-14-2012, 05:31 PM
I have told previous people up front. It's too hard to hide and he might not understand if you're nervous around a particular dinner or something. I think it's best than to wait six months later and tell him, then he might feel shocked and its a lot of wasted time and mess if he doesn't stick around six months in a relationship vs. up front.