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View Full Version : Scared about moving out on my own...advice?


Thoughts
01-09-2012, 06:16 PM
I've just graduated from college, and now I feel like it's about time for me to move out. I've been looking on Craig's List for roommates because I figured it would be cheaper than living on my own and since my family is poor, I would not get any financial help from them if I needed it. Today, I met with a potential roommate after speaking with her for about **** weeks, and on a whim (and out of excitement) we signed an application and paid the fee. After that, I started getting very nervous. Almost to the point of crying or feeling sick and not wanting to eat. I could afford the rent, but there is another place that is much cheaper and much closer to public transportation. I would be ok with telling her I'm not interested but she has to move out by January ********st at her current apartment, and I'd feel guilty to make her think she has a place to move into, and then I tell her no I'm not interested. I've also sort of made her feel like I'm up and ready for it as well and she has told me she will pay all of the deposits, etc. since I haven't had time to save up for anything since she has to move in so quickly. The thing is, I also have to think about myself and what is convenient to me in terms of rent and job. I'm mad at myself because I've made this decision so quickly and now I'm paying for it. :ugh I really don't know how to tell her I might not move in after we've gone through all of this. I'm not sure how to tell her. I have a problem of getting myself into binds because I don't want to hurt others and I'm not very assertive. It's like, I don't want her to be mad at me even though I'll probably never see her again after this.

On top of that I'm just plain nervous about living on my own for the first time as well. Spending money on stuff I never had to think about before, etc. and wondering if I'll have enough to survive. I'm scared. I wish there was an easier way. I don't have anyone to talk to.

axi
01-09-2012, 06:30 PM
The sooner you tell her, the better. She needs all the time she can get to find a room mate.

I think it would be easier to wait until you have a job and a few months to save up for things like a bed, pots and pans, deposits etc before you move out if you have that option. Having a small cushion of savings is pretty much a must since you never know what issue could crop up.

I think it is normal to feel anxiety when you make a decision. I almost always do. I catch myself wondering if this was the right thing and can drive myself nuts if I let it. Decide what is best for you and then move toward that goal.

Thoughts
01-09-2012, 06:40 PM
Well, I have a job now but I do agree, I need to save up. I contacted someone else who I had previously met with as a roommate and it's much more convenient for me so if she contacts me back I'll need to tell the other roommate that I'll have to decline the offer.

sflathinker
01-09-2012, 06:51 PM
Tell the other girl asap. Imagine if someone did this to you. Being an adult means making tough decisions but it's part of growing up, sometimes you make the right decision and sometimes, after the fact you realize you didn't, (and you won't know until after the fact, hence why it's called hindsight) but you always want to stick to your moral fiber and hurting other people or putting them in a compromising position tends to make you feel worse. It's not a matter of never seeing her again, it's about doing the right thing. Now that you know this isn't the right fit, you owe her a phone call.

Thoughts
01-09-2012, 07:32 PM
I'm not sure what you're getting from this post. I never said I wouldn't contact her, nor did I mean to imply I wouldn't. I know I need to "do the right thing" already. The point is, I'm afraid to because I'm worried about how she'll feel. Sometimes I have a hard time explaining myself so if it sounded like I said I would never tell her, that's not what I meant. I'm afraid to tell her because of the pain it would cause her and that goes back to personal/mental issues, etc. That's the point. You sound a bit condescending as well and your post isn't helping my emotional state which is why I'm on here at the moment. If anyone has any helpful comments on how to tell her, that would be appreciated.

axi
01-09-2012, 07:40 PM
Thanks for clarifying what you wanted from the post. It wasn't clear that you were going to call her. I thought you wanted advice on what to do.

You can tell her that you have thought about it and the location/timing isn't right for you. She may panic or be upset, but just stick to your guns.