View Full Version : Discerning my sexual identity

Cotton Candy
01-02-2012, 09:19 PM
I am struggling to discern my sexual identity. I have always believed that I was heterosexual. But I have a lesbian relationship in my past. It was actually a pretty long standing relationship. I loved her. Very much. We live in two separate states now and are not pursuing the relationship. It would be helpful to know what others have experienced.

01-02-2012, 09:42 PM
Hi Cotton Candy,

I personally believe that sexuality is fluid and it's on a spectrum, with very few landing on either extreme - completely hetero or completely homo.

I questioned my sexuality too for many years.
In grade six I had a few interesting moments (extreme physical reactions to female photos mostly) that began my questioning. I have had some relationships with women, mostly pretty short lived, and a few sexual encounters. I have predominantly dated men. I was married, have children, and am now again dating a man.
I have settled my mind with the belief in fluidity and know, without a doubt, that I fall somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.

I hope that helps :shy

Cotton Candy
01-02-2012, 09:45 PM
Stone Studier,

That is very helpful. I can relate to much of what you shared. I have also been told that sexual identity is on a spectrum. I haven't thought much about that though. Thank you for the helpful post.

01-03-2012, 12:29 AM
Are you trying to discover your sexual identity or are you trying to label it? Labels aren't always helpful. I'm attracted almost solely to women and I've been in a committed same-sex partnership for years, but I've never really found the "lesbian" label useful. That doesn't mean that I don't use it sometimes, but in general, I think of myself as a human being...and I love who I love. For me, finding a label isn't the goal. The goal is keeping myself free to love and to exist as I am.