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curiousitykitten
12-27-2011, 02:32 PM
Long story short.... very long story short actually. Like enough to write a romance novel but condensed to a few paragraphs short.

so i was in a polyamorous relationship with this guy. And he really really made me feel special, we had almost everything in common. We both believe it was an act of fate we had met, we literally just bumped into each other going our own ways and became quick friends. We have almost everything in common... and i mean everything.

At the same time he met another girl a very similar way. And i believe that also was an act of fate. Maybe we both have something to teach and something to learn. Regardless of the fact, he wanted her as well as me. And i was okay with that, I don't like tying anyone down...and i saw how happy she made him.

But the hurt came when I had been living in his apartment for about two months. A friend of his confronted me and said he had been lying about liking me the same way I him...and that hurt a lot... to be living lies. And i know some people live lies for years, but i was just so hurt he kept something like that from me.

But now, a month after that happened i still miss him. We agreed to remain friends but we've had a bit of a falling out, I haven't really slept over or even had a one on one conversation...atleast not like the ones we used to have. The spark isn't there...and i'm beginning to realize that after what he did to me, I don't think its coming back.

But I continue to be hurt. i'm chasing after the feelings he gave be in the beginning. And i know we went far to fast, but i really want to feel loved...and i really want someone to love and take care of. I have dreams about those times, and it hurts waking up and knowing they aren't real.

I'm finding myself unneeded...and it hurts. I was the one he talked to, the one who took care of him...now i'm just cast aside and put away. He doesn't even really have the other girl..she does have a boyfriend, but thats another story. I mean they make each other happy and thats really cool.... but me- i just feel hung out to dry. And I mean.... him getting back with me, sure it might feel better temporarily, but i find boys will just do this to me again and again. this isn't the first relationship where i was just taken back as people needed me.

and i don't know why i place myself in this situation, where i just give everything. I guess I don;t really know how to take.

I just don't know. I'm upset because none needs me right now, not even any of my friends try and get in contact with me. its always the other way around. I feel just all around unwanted by friends, and it does hurt. Maybe not unwanted, but certainly forgotten

curiousitykitten
12-28-2011, 08:37 AM
maybe i'm a toxic friend to him now.
maybe he actually feels bad for what he did when he's around me. I'm willing to forgive him, but it will just take time. I just feel bad we went from exchanging good nights and good mornings to almost nothing, and its obvious that he's communicating with the other girl (sometimes I hate Facebook a lot)

i mean i think he knows i'm going through a slight relapse, and he also used to have an eating disorder...maybe i'm a toxic friend in that sense.

hmm

either way neither of us are just falling off the face of the earth, theres always the option for things to return as they were, that is if it's meant to be