View Full Version : A Sex Post... Never thought I'd say this, but...

12-26-2011, 05:35 PM
I'm sexually frustrated :zoinks :ummm

This might end up being a bit of a long post, so bare with me.

Background info:

I have a significant amount of sexual abuse in my past, including both same-sex sexual abuse and abuse by the opposite sex.

During my darkest of times I technically prostituted myself a handful of times, as means to numb out (not for the sex)

I came to terms with the fact that I am indeed not straight (bisexual, moreso on the lesbian end of the spectrum)

So... with those things in mind, my 'sexual process' has been a long and hairy one.

Seven years ago, I really began working on my sexuality as a piece of the puzzle in recovery, and six years ago met my partner with whom I was with until three weeks ago.

Although she was not my first girlfriend, she was my 'first' (non abusive) as far as women goes. It took a really long time for me to get comfortable and feel safe, and bless her heart she was patient. I eventually got to where I enjoyed sex. That was, until it stopped just over a year ago - which marked the decline in our relationship, which has infact ended.

So here I am, feeling sexually frustrated. I haven't had sex in over a year. And to be honest masturbation is getting kinda dull :muhaha

BUT... I can't imagine anyone I'd want to have sex with, I don't do one night stands, and even if the situation presented itself to have sex with the ex, I highly doubt I'd do it (and I highly doubt the situation would present itself anyway!)

What's a gal to do?!?!?!

Life is good
12-26-2011, 06:47 PM
If watching porn is not triggering for you as far ED goes then it's not a bad option...Also you can find a sex toy store and buy some goodies there :) You can even do it online if you are too embarrassed to go to an actual store.
Also there are lots of romantic/erotic novels :) And you can always find people in your life to fantasize about lol...

I don't know, I've gone for long periods without sex and I think it is definitely possible to keep out of being frustrated with just your imagination ;) You just have to get creative!

12-26-2011, 08:57 PM
:redflag :redflag :redflag frank discussion of sexuality :redflag :redflag :redflag

I use toys I ordered online. That makes things more interesting. I like erotica, so I indulge in that. I have found some really exciting stories.

Cyber sex has a couple of advantages... no feelings get involved so no tangle ups, and you can be as promiscuous as you like and not get raped or catch VDs. Those are the main advantages. Phone sex is a whole lot more risky as you can be identified by your number. But I think there is a way to set things up so that if you call them (rather than the other way around) you can make your number invisible. I am not up to date in phone technology so I think maybe this is easier than it was a while ago.

I went through a lengthy period of hypomania without a boyfriend, and that is how I coped with the intense frustration. Although I had two guys try to cyber rape me (talk about dumb, that is entirely impossible) nothing else bad happened and this went on for months. The worst thing was getting a boring partner with no imagination. And you can just stop talking to the boring ones.

I would never admit to doing these things with any of my real life friends. But these methods helped me release my sexual tension with very little risk. And one man taught me how to find my G spot! That was invaluable.

12-26-2011, 10:36 PM
omg I can't even believe we're being so frank about this, but to be honest it's nice to actually be able to talk about this, openly, and not be utterly embarassed by a face to face conversation :shy

I have just started being ok with porn, without the shame and guilt attached, so I admit that has been good. Unfortunately, I still live with my ex, so having 'alone time' isn't very often :ummm

hmmm, erotica... never really thought about it ~ but it would be something I'd be interested in (yet wouldn't know where to start!) :muhaha

I'd definitely be an online orderer, because yea... the whole embarassment thing and all...

I'm just now really getting comfortable with this myself, I don't think I'd be ok with just walking into a shop and picking up some goodies.

12-27-2011, 04:01 AM
rayne, but may i ask, why u don't have another gf? i mean u don't like anyone? u didn't meet anyone interesting? u don't feel like u can trust a new grl or start getting to know each other again from the beginning w all underlying issues?
do u just think masturbation is dull so u want to make it more interesting or u actually miss touch of another person, possibly intimacy and that stuff that is actually involved in the act?
i ask this, cause i find masturbation not sufficient for me and i am trying not to sleep around w random guys as i was doing that for a while. and in both situations i descovered - masturbation is dull cause i like sex in two, and i like sex in two cause i like that exchange and sharing and possible intimacy. i get frustrated either way cause i'm not getting it for a few years now, and i mean intimacy. so which part do u want to be different - masturbation less dull, having sex w another person whoever, or having sex w another person that you actually have that connection with?

12-27-2011, 03:51 PM
I'm not ready for a new gf. My partner and I were together for six years, and we've only been broken up for three weeks now. So yea, a year of our relationship was sex-less.

I definitely want to be single for a while...

With that said, I miss intimacy in general. But it's too soon for another gf. Masturbation getting dull, after a year of only it, but could spice that up a bit it seems...

I did order an erotica book online last night, thanks for the tips :fishy

12-28-2011, 03:38 AM
ah, i didn't understand that...well, if u say is too soon for a new ****, of course, but is also understandable then, for u is not just **** weeks, i thought u broke up a year ago.... what happened a year ago then?

12-28-2011, 08:29 AM
nefretiti :fishy

Our sexual relationship stopped a year ago, and our relationship overall began declining about a year and a half ago...

12-28-2011, 10:51 AM
why r sexual relationship stopped?

12-28-2011, 10:53 AM
sorry to ask. u don't need to answer. i just wnted to say maybe there is sth tat can help u understand, change etc.

12-29-2011, 08:34 AM
I guess the sex stopped as a mark of the beginning of the end of our relationship... nothing was wrong witht the sex, it was just she started becoming uninterested in being in a relationship overall, so she stopped wanting sex :wacky

12-29-2011, 11:46 AM
Hi Jesika,

It's great to see your name again. I haven't been on here for awhile. I hope you're doing well.

I also use porn and toys quite a bit, especially as I went six months without sex this year.

I wouldn't think there are hookup sites for women as much as there are for women and men and men and men (I could be wrong), yet that could also be an option if you wanted no strings sex. That's just a whole different animal in terms of attachment and so forth......many people cannot do it, and it could be triggering for you.