View Full Version : how to overcome fear of intimacy and sex

12-26-2011, 05:05 PM
well, this is the thing....for some years i have had problems with sex, i mean, after i was raped i started connecting , often subconsciously , se with egocentrism, so i\whenever i have sex with a guy i have that feeling that he is with me only for se and that he doesn;t vare and cannot care about me if he has sex with me. similarly, i started having se with people only when i don;t care about them and when i do i couldn't have se with hem, even if i was dating them for a few months. it was just not normal to engage in sth so egocentric and self oriented as sex w a person i cared about. ....anyways, now i realise it has a lot to do w rape and trauma and all that.....

BUT, the problem now is this:

i've had a friend for a while. i liked him since the begining but somehow the situation was like that that we meet as friends. as the time passed, i liked him more and more as a person, and we developed some kind of trust and bond i cannot explain. i shared w him more about me and my life then i have w most of my close friends, and he w me. he was there for me in many occasions when i needed someone, i was there for him...and then i started missing him and fantasising about him. and he started showing more affection. especially after he didnt see me for some time, since he was abroad and i was so anxious to meet him. since i am very scared of being intimate and loosing my freedom or other person loosing sense of bounaries towards me, i was amazed how he was always nice and kid to me, and always respecting my time and my space and my wishes.
last time we spent half a day together and in te end he kissed me and we just couldn't stop kissing. and it was wonderful feeling, like the most normal thing to do, so we were kissing and touching and he starts taking off my clothes. i didn't even notice, i didn't think about it, i was so happy and it all seemed to be so natural and i don't know... i never felt so natural, it is usually wierd to start anything with a guy and i always think a lot. this time i couldn't even think. BUT then i got scared. i actually care about the guy. i cannot have sex with him. and then i started fearing that he might want only to have sex with me. that he might not care genuinely about me because he is already taking off my clothes. eventhough i know he was waiting for me to be ready and he liked me since the begining and he was giving me space cause i was pushing him away all the time, and he was so nice to me, and he was there for me even when i dated other guys, still the fact that he wants to touch me and take off my clthes was so disturbing. i needed to run away. he was asking why. i couldn't say.

i don't know what to do. help me w some advice, please. i like him a lot. and i want him. but i am so scared he will not respect e afterwards, he will not like me afterwards, he will not care about me afterwards.... i am so scared i might get even more attached and if i get attached to a person i sleep with i might be hurt. i don't wanna be hurt. i don't wanna be weak. i don't know what to do. i am awoiding him since.