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View Full Version : choosing between people on holidays


Dove
12-22-2011, 06:53 AM
I don't know, this could go in Surviving Holiday forum or Relationship forum, it started out as a relationship thing so I'll put it here. I've been doing pretty well and I feel guilty about everything I wrote here because I have such a nice life, but I'm just pissed off and need to vent somewhere safe. I don't want to hurt anyone with this rant. so here we go, here's how I feel today:

If you ever want to live your own life, don't get in a relationship. You'll be in a cage for the rest of your days. You can't do what you want without tiptoeing around and diplomatically manipulating the situation. It's too much effort, and sometimes it still doesn't work, and you end up just bowing down to whatever the other person wants to do, and if you don't, you'll just feel guilty about it and be unable to enjoy anything. And yet the cage is comforting because someone is there watching over it. A nice someone. And the confines are comforting. Otherwise you're just wandering all alone in this huge, scary world and you end up doing nothing, anyway.

Christmas is such a crock, too. I've got a couple of groups of friends, and while I am counting my blessings to have nice people in my life, I feel like they also imprison me. They expect me to do a lot of things with them and go to their potluck parties (where I feel like they all judge me because I can't cook and why can't we just order pizza, I hate potlucks!), and if I don't I'm gonig to hurt their feelings. And why is this particular weekend so special, anyway? Not a single one of them is a practicing Christian, so what exactly are they celebrating? christmas seems like a glorified occasion for communal nostaliga, everyone gets together and tries to re-create the christmas of their childhood. Well, your childhood is over, just let it go and stop living in the past. I don't understand why we still celebrate Christmas and make such a big effing deal out of it. Seems like just an excuse to get out of work. Which I'll take, just don't make me decorate/buy presents/make food.

And another thing -- my boyfriend is the worst person to buy presents for! He's horrible at hiding his disappointment if he doesn't like what he gets. It stresses me out, and to be honest, it pisses me off. He should take whatever I give him and be grateful for it! It's the thought taht counts anyway, right?

Grrrrrr I hate the holidays! Bah fucking humbug! It's the time of year that makes it perfectly clear that you really can't please everyone, and that turns me into a giant ball of stress and panic! :reallymad

sflathinker
12-22-2011, 12:51 PM
Wow. Now I understand what my ex meant when he said I needed to learn to be tactfully manipulative, however its not in my makeup....I'm better at being honest and most aren't equipped ri deal with me. My Christmas is going to be yoga and the beach and whatever I feel like after. However, being in a relationshio or being single is a choice and both have ups and downs.

Have you considered asking him what he wants instead of a surprise? I prefer to tell someone what i want, very few are very in tune with knowing exactly what to get me and i dont get offended if they ask me for options. Makes everyone happy.

Life has cages, boundaries, and paths. Depending on your personality and the people you invite to join you,vits either a fun journey or a never ending obligation.

ducksquack
12-22-2011, 04:05 PM
It's the time of year that makes it perfectly clear that you really can't please everyone, and that turns me into a giant ball of stress and panic

Christmas is a challenge for many people and I agree that we
can set boundaries and allow ourselves to make healthy choices.

We can never please everyone regardless of the time of year and
yes the holidays can put demands on us. We can also deal with them
in our own way and let others celebrate as they wish.

Enjoy the holiday time and make it fun and not a huge hassle is
how I see it.

god bless.