View Full Version : i feel like i'm dying

12-17-2011, 01:27 AM
i realized that the title might seem a little dramatic, but that's literally how i feel. this is not related to eating stuff as much as it is to sexuality stuff. i'm gay, and almost two years ago now, i developed a MAJOR crush on this guy from work, and it was the first time i felt this strongly about a guy before. i'd had feelings for another guy in the past, but not this strong. anyway, he didn't like me back, so nothing ever came of it.

but, my feelings were so strong that i relapsed over it. i relapsed and for like a year was in hell - a hell that i never ever thought i would have to go back to. i went back to therapy. i had to work really hard to stay safe and to keep myself safe. it was hell and it sucked and i did it all alone. it was really painful.

anyway, the point is that i'm doing better now, and come to realize that i'm gay, and i've been trying to date other people, but it's just so hard. the reason i feel like i'm dying is that i've been on what feels like so many dates with people from online and it just never goes anywhere. i feel like i'm not going to meet someone. i'm also not out at work or to my extended family and that is taking a huge toll on me. i'm so alone - i feel so alone in it. it's really hard, and i don't know why i can't just be more open or free about who i am.

sometimes i feel like there is no future for me - that i don't want to be here. it's too hard. everyone around me is in a relationship.

i don't know what i'm looking for in a response. i guess it would be most helpful to hear from other fishy's who know what it's like and maybe anyone who's come out about how that may have helped you feel better?

thanks bowl

12-17-2011, 05:29 AM
I am sorry you are struggling,hurting and feeling so alone.
It sounds very painful.

I am not gay however I do know the feelings of feeling so
very alone and lonely.

It is painful seeing others in relationships and wanting to be
in a wonderful relationship too.

You will find someone however that doesnt help when you
are so lonely and feel left out. Never give up as it will
happen for you.

god bless.