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View Full Version : can i voice my irrational fears to my partner?


pandaz
12-11-2011, 04:49 PM
my boyfriend's birthday is on christmas. we've only been together for about six months. and getting him a present is just super overwhelming me. Am i allowed to tell him my fears?

i want to get him something super awesome - a bunch of small awesome things. but i'm scared he isn't going to like it, or that it isn't going to be good enough. i can't help and shake the feeling that i am not good enough/cool enough for him. it's so silly. i know he likes me and cares about me. but it's still been a short amount of time together.
i keep telling myself - this isn't the last relationship you or he will be in. there is always that chance.
and i keep telling myself: why is he with me? i dress goofy. i am goofy. i have no friends. i don't hang with people... i'm not "normal." (i wish i could get normal...)

i'm having a bout of crazy right now.

all because i don't know what to do for his birthday... i suck.

pandaz
12-11-2011, 05:07 PM
and is it completely selfish and self-absorbed to have to question his feelings for me and needing the constant affirmation? i feel like i am going to push him away by voicing my fears that i'm not good enough for him.

pantherr
12-11-2011, 07:09 PM
Pandaz...I think these are very much ED related thoughts, and I think you know that, too. He is with you because he LIKES that you are goofy! As for having no friends - is that true or is that ED distorted thinking? And as for wanting to be "normal," that's just boring. Is it Dr. Suess that says "no one is you-er than you!" I should take my own advice and love myself better, but really, that's what this boils down to.

And I absolutely don't think it's selfish to want affirmation, but unless he gives you a reason to, you shouldn't be questioning his feelings for you. I think you have to try to seperate out the issues you are struggling with internally from how he treats you, how he acts around you, and from the fact that he does like you. You are insecure about your relationship, but do you have any real reason other than because you're insecure with yourself?

As for the present, I FEEL YOU. I have no idea what to get my boyfriend of four months for xmas. I'm thinking tickets to a comedy show or a baseball game, since he loves that kind of thing and that way it's not just the thing itself, it's a chance to spend time together doing something he likes. Not sure if that's helpful in the case of your bf since obviously I don't know him haha...but really, I don't think it's what you get him that matters, it's the fact that you care so much about him and making his birthday special. And he'll see that. :)