View Full Version : Best Friend's Opinions

12-09-2011, 10:35 PM
So I've been wanting a tattoo for two years now. There's one I've wanted from the beginning though where I've wanted it has changed. I've wanted the treble and bass clef that make a heart. I know it's corny and a lot of people have it but it's something I've wanted from the beginning and music has a very big meaning for me for several reasons and i was very close to going into music therapy.

I drew out that tattoo earlier today because I couldn't find my earlier sketch and I really wanted to get it tonight since I had the day off. I've always known what I wanted and how I've wanted it to look and what size it to be and now have made up my mind where I want it (on my arm).

I called my best friend a little bit ago to see if she would go with me since i didnt want to go by myself and since it's my first tattoo. I figured I would go to this shop where i've gotten my piercings because i know people that have gotten tattoos there and they've been good and the tattoo artists and the piercer are both chill and nice. When I called her and I asked her if she wanted to go she asked me where i was going to get it/who was going to do it and i told her I was probably going to to artistic design. She then asked if I was going to talk to someone or get it done tonight or whatever and I told her i was going to talk to someone and hopefully get it done tonight.

And here comes the flood of opinions. "Uhhh... I wouldn't just do a walk in......" Blah blah. And went into how she would go to someone's whose work you've seen. She gave me some recommendations on some tattoo artists that did her tattoo and her sleeve and some others she thought were good based on some on her friends tattoos but it didn't really help. I've obviously seen her tattoos but i didn't really give me a feel for the artists work (especially since one guy did her one tattoo and there's been two different guys who did her sleeve). She then started to lecture me on how I need to go to a good guy and have an artist because it's going to be something that will be on me forever and you don't want to have someone that's just going to do a shitty job. Yada Yada yada....

Thank you miss obvious. Ok, I know she has valued opinions because she has tattoos and she's always been into art and stuff so she understands this. But in my mind I was thinking it was a simple tattoo, I know how I wanted it too look, and I knew the artists there do good work. On top of it, I could hear her friends in the background giving their opinions and maybe laughing (I couldn't really tell). And she was stoned and I absolutely HATE being around her/talking to her when she's stoned and I'm not. i dont know why but she pisses me off more than anything at those times. We ended the conversation with her saying well when you decide what you want to do let me know. As soon as i hung up I started crying. I was so upset because I felt like she was lecturing me and felt she was being a bit pretensious (sp?) about the situation. And I was also upset because I now have five tattoos planned but dont have any yet and i was really hoping to get one tonight. i dont know. maybe it's me. Maybe I had an idea all planned in my head and i got over upset when I didnt go how I wanted it to.

It's not just this though. She's been getting on my nerves and pissing me off and lecturing and "moming" me a lot lately. She's been giving me lectures on how I should be saving/being more careful with my money since I've been complaining about it lately. She's either asking me if i'm being nicer to my body or telling me about all this health food and all it's benefits every time she cooks something new (which I'm not even gonna start on that because that's a whole other post!). Giving me sex education. And a thousand other opinions about anything new I tell her. I dont know how much I can take it anymore. I'm so fucking sick of her goddamn opinions. Maybe it's because I can be just as opinionated as she is so we butt heads. I dont know what it is but I'm getting to the end up my rope.

It also sucks because she one of my few close friends. Yeah I have people I go out with and go to parties and hang out with after work but I'm not really that close to them. She's one of the few people I go to when I do have a problem or can talk to or knows a lot of shit about me so she understands why certian things upset, what things I like, ect. And i do hang out with her a lot and talk her a lot but I think i'm beginning to need my space from her. (But at the same time i'm afraid because she is one of the main people I hang out with and depend on when i need to talk or need something).

Another thing with the tattoo, i think part of my pride/stubbornness is also what upset me. i thought i had it all figured out and when someone came along and put a different view point on it it upset me because it wasnt what i thought it was (if that makes any sense).

Anyways, after talking to her, i was too upset to even call her back or go to some of the places and didnt even wanna go to the places she suggested because "Fuck that i'm not going somewhere you suggested" because I was pissed off and upset and out of spite and maybe pride there's was no way I was giving into her suggestions.

So now i'm just sitting at home with my parents. And i feel like its too late to go anywhere to talk to someone because i feel like they'll be closing soon so now I'll probably just watch The O.C. or read or something.

Some Friday night off.......

12-10-2011, 08:38 AM
I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted it to. Why didn't you tell her your reasons for going to this place- that they had done your piercings and you were familiar with their work? Just because she has an opinion doesn't mean you have to listen to it or bow to it.

12-10-2011, 09:56 AM
Hi Veggie,

It sounds like your friend does mean well. It might just be the way she's going about it. She's not wrong that it is a good idea to go and talk to the artists ahead of time, rather than walk in and just get one from whoever has the next available spot. It's fairly common advice. I'm thinking there's more going on here than what her advice actually was. It sounds to me like there's a bigger picture here.

You've had the design for a long time, and you're familiar with the tattoo shop where you wanted to go, so why did you let what she said throw you off so much?

If she's your best friend, you should be able to talk about your relationship and why you feel this way. You also mention that you have lots of opinions as well. As much as hers bother you, you should consider whether this issue in your relationship might be working both ways.

12-10-2011, 03:32 PM
I'm sorry, but your friend's concerns don't make any sense. At every tattoo studio, they will have samples of the artist's work for you to look at. That's standard. And they draw the tattoo on your skin with pencil first, to make sure you like it. They don't ink it in until you give your approval, so there's really no way it could come out wrong.

Although, I would suggest making an appointment instead of doing a walk-in, just because popular studios tend to get crowded (especially on weekends) and if you walk in without an appointment, you could be waiting for hours.

12-10-2011, 03:48 PM
so there's really no way it could come out wrong

Except in the case where it does. I've seen it happen to clients who've agreed to a design... to colours and so on.... and when it's done it hasn't turned out well because of their artists inexperience or perhaps lack of interest.

:hugon VeggieGirl :hugoff

I'm sorry you are annoyed with your friend - it sounds as though her advice is coming from a point of concern rather than from her trying to meddle in your life. The topics you say that she's offering opinions, advice on are things that any good friend would want to help and support you with.

And that's the great thing about advice - just because it's given - you don't have to follow it! You can listen - thank your friend for her concern - and take what you want from what she says and leave the rest.

It used to annoy me too having to talk to friends when they were stoned. I would often just tell them I'd talk to them later... and refuse to get into big conversations. I knew it was their choice to get stoned.... but I didn't have to like it or be around them when they were like that. So I totally get what you are saying about not wanting to talk to your friend when she's in that state.

Anyway - I hope you go ahead with your plans for the tattoo if that's what you really want to do!

Take care,