PDA

View Full Version : BF got me to admit I needed help


lawgirlga
12-04-2011, 09:05 AM
My bf was the impetus behind me admitting I needed help, getting therapy, ect. I thought it was a good sign that he was in it for the long haul (we've been together about a year). Now that I'm trying to talk about what stresses me out and makes me feel like I need to restrict/purge, I feel like he's starting to be less understanding and more judgmental. I get the feeling he definitely wanted me to get better, but the actual getting better is a little more than he can handle. I'm starting to think I'm going to end up without him (which maybe isn't a bad thing, better now than in **** years), but it's still hard to accept that me trying to get better is the thing that's driving us apart. Has anyone else had this kind of experience? Any tips for how you worked through it?****

bellydancer
12-04-2011, 09:22 AM
Hi lawgirl,

Welcome to SF! I'm glad that you're getting help.

This does happen in relationships sometimes--when one person seeks help, even with the support of the other, sometimes it can make the relationship difficult. Recovery is a difficult process. You're learning new habits and ways of thinking, unlearning others, and often learning to speak up for yourself. Your bf might find this newer version of you threatening, or he might just not truly understand EDs (few people do). The best thing to do is to ask him directly what is up. It might even be beneficial for you to do a session together with your therapist.

framewall
12-04-2011, 01:53 PM
I wondered when you said,"Now that I'm trying to talk about what stresses me out and makes me feel like I need to restrict/purge, I feel like he's starting to be less understanding and more judgmental" if you meant trying to talk to him? Sometimes, I think the partner can begin to feel that they are being put in the role of therapist and, especially after being used to not ever discussing what's really going on with your thoughts and feelings, that can be very overwhelming. But if this sounds like a possibility, then maybe it isn't that he doesn't want you to get better...he does, but doesn't want to feel responsible for being the one that makes you better? Or is just overwhelmed by not know how? I don't know. Just a thought.
At one point in my illness, years ago, I was in a relationship where this happened. I had been so closed and never really spoke my mind or shared any of my pain and suffering, and when I all of a sudden tried to work on recovery and started opening up and talking about everything that was going on he became extremely overwhelmed. I can see now why!
Either way, it is so good that you are now able to see you need some help and are actively reaching out and working towards recovery :yay

lawgirlga
12-04-2011, 02:46 PM
I think me talking more is a big part of the issue. I've never been one to talk about my feelings, so doing it now is definitely a change. Lol, maybe I'll try to ease him into the sharing. Thanks for the thoughts, it really does help.