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View Full Version : Feeling more and more detached from my family


seliwyma
11-30-2011, 06:55 PM
I feel like I'm becoming less and less important to my family.

I spent the weekend with my dad (a four and a half hour drive away from where I usually live) and we went to see my grandparents who live nearby. I mentioned to them that I was planning on spending Christmas with dad and them this year (I usually try to alternate years between them and my mum) and my nana gave me a flat "Oh, no you can't...we've already booked it." There wasn't even an offer to call the restaurant to see if there'd be room for an extra. It would have been nice to have been asked...clearly they spoke to my brother about it because he and his girlfriend are going. I didn't think I needed to give more than a month's notice to let them know my plans, usually they just eat at home anyway.

So I was pretty taken aback by that and a little upset, and then to add to it my grandparents seemed to just shoot down everything I had to say about myself.

When my grandad asked what I was doing with myself now I said "I'm still teaching the piano" (the job that I plan to do for the rest of my life) and he just said "oh" then proceeded to talk about how amazing my sister's doing in the Navy. And when he asked if I was still studying I said yes and he asked me what I was planning on doing with my degree once I got it so I told him that it's not necessarily for professional development I just enjoy studying and like to have something to keep my brain ticking over...he rolled his eyes then proceeded to say how wonderful it was that my brother had just finished uni and will now be applying for the police force.

When I told my nana that my boyfriend and I were planning on getting a dog she seemed so disapproving and gave me a billion reasons of why it was a bad idea....all that essentially revolved her perception of me as being completely incapable of taking responsibility for an animal...I'm twenty seven years old, so many people my age have children....I have a stable home, a stable income...I'm sure I can look after a dog! My brother has dogs and cats...but that's fine for him because he wants to be in the police force so he must be responsible...:whateva

The other thing that annoyed me was that they barely spoke to my boyfriend at all....whenever my sister had her fiance/husband there they asked him endless questions about his family, his plans, his work (he was also in the Navy)....not a word to my boyfriend. But he's only a "musician"...a musician who is successful enough to tour internationally with his band several times a year....but obviously that's not good enough.

And it's not that I'm imagining all of these things...after we left, before I even said anything my boyfriend commented on it all.

It's frustrating.

I don't have a lot of friends so it feels horrible to feel like I'm being pushed away by my family as well. I don't know if anyone remembers my post about my Aunty banning me from seeing my six year old cousin because I didn't phone her enough? :wacky I feel like I'm just being pushed away by everyone and I can't figure out what I've done to be viewed either as such a horrible, uncaring person, or as such a failure.

Again, I just needed to vent! But of course any replies and thoughts are most welcome...thank you fishies!

pantherr
12-01-2011, 04:13 PM
Jeeze, I'm so sorry they treated you like that. Can you talk to them about this? Because that is really unacceptable, and it's invalidating on so many levels.

ducksquack
12-01-2011, 05:02 PM
That is so unfair and unkind to be treated so horribly.

I would have a talk with your dad first and let him know
that this hurts and is totally unkind. You certainly dont
deserve this awful treatment at all.

I would let him know that you are very hurt at your
grandparents and I would also consider talking to
them as well.

Whether you talk to any of them is your choice but
what they all have done is hurtful and unacceptable.

Please remember that this is not really about you
but it is about the three of them.

god bless.