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View Full Version : I need some relationship advice!


squirrels
11-27-2011, 05:43 PM
So, as the title may suggest, I need some relationship advice! :shy I'm not "good at relationships" and never have been, and never really found anyone that I thought was amazing and wonderful, and worth pursuing a relationship with...until now.

I joined a new gym a couple months ago, and I really like someone that works there, he teaches some classes I take, and trains people also (not me tho). I just really like him, and like talking with him. He's my age, really friendly and down-to-earth and easy to talk to, has a good sense of humor... one of those people that you feel good just being around, someone with lots of 'happy energy' that just fills the room up:winky

Anyways... I'd *love* to hang out with him sometime, get to know him better, b/c he's someone I could totally see myself being with and would love to spend more time with. But HOW exactly do you go about doing that??:ohboy Here's where I'm relationship-clueless:winky I see him a couple times a week as it is, and always make it a point to say hello and chat about "how are you, how was your holiday, hey what was the name of that last song, etc etc" and he's really friendly and easy to talk to... but... he's friendly with everybody, and chats with everybody. How do you get to know someone better? What's the next step? How do I basically say, "hey I really like you and would love to hang out sometime and get to know you better and be better friends and maybe be in a relationship someday b/c I like everything about you and would love to spend more time with you" without coming right out and saying that? :ohboy How do I even know if he likes me, or if he just talks with me just to be polite, you know?
How do you get to be *better* friends with someone, instead of just polite "hi how are you" kind of friends? You know?
:ohboy
I feel like I should have learned this and gotten better at this a *long* time ago... instead of still feeling relationship-clueless at freakin' twenty seven!! But I was always one to distance myself from people and not let anyone get close. And I was always content being single... but now I'm slowly getting to the point where I want to get better at getting close to people, I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, and this is one *really* special person... and I think the really special ones only come along every once in a while. And I don't want to miss out on what *could* be a really special relationship, just bc I'm too chicken to do anything!
I need advice, thanks! :-D

mathlete
11-27-2011, 07:55 PM
Hey Squirrels!
That's awesome that you're thinking about taking the next step and trying to build closer relationships with people. :)

I would say the way you approach the situation depends on what your/ his interests are. If you guys are both into music, and there are any shows your interested in seeing coming up, you could ask him if he wants to join you. (Haha-- for me I'd probably phrase it like "Hey, I heard about the ____ show in a couple weeks, and I think I might be going with a few friends, if you want to join!". And then I'd try to recruit a friend or two to join at the show.)

Or, if you're into sports that can't be done at a gym (skiing, snowboarding, trail running... anything!) you could ask him if he wants to join you sometime.

I'm just throwing stuff out there-- but you can suggest whatever you're into. It's definitely a little scary... but it's worth it when relationships develop!

bellydancer
11-27-2011, 09:20 PM
Hi squirrels,

I think mathlete has some good suggestions, but this is a tricky situation as you know hiim through his work place and not socially. Also keep in mind, there might even be a gym policy that doesn't allow trainers/instructors to date clients. Even if there's not a policy like that, he might not feel comfortable dating clients. Just throwing that out there that if he says no, it might not necessarily be personal, but you might keep that in mind if you decide to pursue something.

Do your conversations ever veer toward anything outside of gym or class stuff?

pantherr
11-27-2011, 09:42 PM
Good for you!! I totally made the first move with my current bf. It's worth a shot. And I agree with bellydancer that if he says no, it may not be personal at ALL since it can be a little tricky with work policies.

Now, as for how to get to know him better...if I were you, I'd ask him to go on a jog with you sometime. That way it's not so formal, and you are asking about an activity that you already know you have in common (exercising!). Good luck! :]

pooh bear fan
11-27-2011, 10:24 PM
I agree with bellydancer, and would really advise you to tread with caution. I'd imagine there would be professional boundaries within his work place regarding contact with clients outside of the gym and he would need to respect those. They're there for a reason. Speaking from experience ... please go carefully with this.

squirrels
11-28-2011, 12:12 PM
Thanks so much for all your advice! I'll definitely take this into consideration, especially the workplace policies aspect. I don't actually train with him, as like his client... I just take a few of the classes he teaches, there's usually like ten to twenty of us, like in a group. There might still be a policy about that, I'm not sure, but I don't pay him and work with him on a one on one client basis.
I've only been there a short time so far, so hopefully as time goes on I'll think up more things to talk about :-) to branch out from just talking about gym topics....
Thanks for all your support everyone... relationships make me SO nervous!!
:-)