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pourlikerain
11-22-2011, 12:12 PM
Hi Everyone,

I need some advice. Gahh. So I started seeing this guy that I met off of a dating site, Plenty of Fish. I don't go on that much and have never found anyone good from the site, but I thought I would give it another chance. I met him and really like him! Like a lot and he has said that he likes me a lot too. We have been seeing each other about a week and half. Not long, and things are going kinda fast.. But I love spending time with him.

He let me use his computer last night and I noticed that he had been on porn sites (pretty normal for guys, so I dont care) but he had also been on a lot of No Strings Attached Dating sites and hookup sites.... I asked him about just one of them last night, bc it popped up when I was typing in a different website and he said his roommate had used his computer. He said sometimes he leaves his computer out and his roommate has used it. I didn't quite believe him last night, but I didn't want to press the issue since we have just started seeing each other.

So this morning I went on his computer when he had left for work and looked at his history. And he had been on a lot of NSA and hookup dating sites a couple weeks ago.... And it was his email in the login. Sooo..basically, I think he lied to me about that. I don't want to have him think I am snoop or am not trusting what he says, but it kind of worries me a little that already he has lied. BUT, he had not gone on those sites since starting to see me.... So that is a good thing. He also has said before that he has never had a one night stand. I even told him that I have, but he said he hadn't. Was he lying then?

So basically, wondering...should I mention it to him and bring it up now at the beginning or just drop it for now?? My plan right now, is to just check his history in a week and if he isnt going on them still, I should be good..right? I just don't like that he lied to me. But I guess we are both new to each other and have only been seeing each other for a week and half...

What would you do? Anyone go through similar things? I just don't want to get involved if it's going to end up messy, ya know...

pourlikerain
11-22-2011, 12:15 PM
And I guess there are things that i haven't told him yet either. And nor do I want to. So I guess I am asking, how much should he tell me and how much should I tell him? About our recent dating histories? Or is that no relevant now that we are just seeing each other?

Violet Rose
11-22-2011, 12:18 PM
You've been dating the guy a week and a half and you're already snooping through his history? That doesn't sound like a good sign to me. Not sure what you were looking for? You already know he uses these sites and apparently moves pretty fast.

bellydancer
11-22-2011, 12:23 PM
You have been seeing this guy for a week and a half. What level of commitment do you expect to have? If he was on those sites a couple of weeks ago, then what would that matter if that was before you were seeing him? Even if he was looking at those sites now, what level of commitment have the two of you agreed to?

Also, I think that snooping on his computer is unfair and unproductive. It's much better to have an open and honest conversation about what you're wanting from the relationship and what your expectations are.

pourlikerain
11-22-2011, 12:29 PM
Yeah, thanks for putting me in my place. I have just had guys cheat on me before and keep things hidden from me and lie to my face. I am already letting that effect this relationship. I am going to stop looking at his history--it is not fair--to him or me. I wouldn't want him looking at my history.

And yes, we definitely need a conversation about what we are looking for in this relationship. We have only determined that we like each other and we care about each other. Other than, we have not discussed anything else.

Thank you a LOT for your answers. I need to stop letting my past determine my future. And I am learning that I am at fault in my past relationships too. I need to learn to trust people at their word. Instead of snooping :(

Violet Rose
11-22-2011, 12:53 PM
You can do it. Just keep reminding yourself that you want a relationship based on honesty and communication, and don't try to jump ahead too fast. Have fun getting to know each other the old-fashioned way!

bellydancer
11-22-2011, 01:46 PM
We have only determined that we like each other and we care about each other. Other than, we have not discussed anything else.

For the stage you're at, this is probably a good place to leave it for a while, then.

sflathinker
11-22-2011, 06:09 PM
The only person who violating trust is you. Never expect a relationship to work if you are snooping.