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thetrumpetplayer
11-21-2011, 09:23 PM
First off, I haven't been here in a while. When I joined I tried to help myself without anybody else and then relapsed pretty bad. Now, I am going to a real doctor (week two now) and facing it for real. I will beat this, and I am glad to come back here.

I have my first boyfriend, and I am really scared when it comes to telling him about this. He knows the most about any of my ED problems and he doesn't push anything on me. He makes sure I eat my meals (even if I don't feel hungry at lunch) and listens to my complaints and rants about recovery.

But, I still feel bad about talking about it. I am embaressed to admit that yes, there is something seriously wrong with me, and yes, I do have to keep up with it outpatient so I don't end up inpatient out of state (which is where I would be put).

I've told him about how I was sexually abused, and he is fine with it all. He doesn't push me and lets me take it slowly as I am comfortable with.

But I am still terrified at times. I find that I'll have to pull away from a hug because sudenly it feels like too much contact and irks me, or that I have to stand further away from him. That I suddenly have to sit up strait and stop leaning on him, or turn away from a kiss on the cheek. I feel bad to do it, and I am really trying to be more open about it, pushing barriers a little to try and expand them...

But I feel guilty for it. I don't want to be the needy sick girlfriend. The one who's life is turned upside down when the peanut butter jar is empty or she feels like she's standing too close... ): Any tips or advice?

bellydancer
11-21-2011, 09:25 PM
When you say telling your boyfriend, do you mean that you haven't told him you're in treatment?

thetrumpetplayer
11-21-2011, 09:49 PM
He knows I go to the doctor weekly, that I am on a meal plan that is pretty strict, and that I could be forced inpatient at any time. I haven't told him an exact diagnosis, but he's probably assumed by now. I am nervous to tell him strait on. I can hardly admit to myself that there's a word to define me. I wanted to cry when I was told so bluntly by my nutritionist a few weeks ago.

pantherr
11-27-2011, 12:36 PM
Trumpet player - first of all, I really admire that you are able to tell him about your ED at all. I haven't told my bf. I'm pretty well into my recovery, but I still go to weekly group meetings, so I don't know if I'm the best person to be giving advice. I can totally identify with the feeling of not wanting to be a burden, but I also believe that it is up to your bf to decide whether or not he can/wants to handle your issues. And on a related note, everybody has issues. He does, too. My bf does. So this may be end all for you and for me, but he's going to rely on you emotionally in the same way for a different issue. Relationships are about give and take. You may feel you're taking too much from him, but shouldn't he be the one to decide that? Hope that makes sense!