Purity

[Simone]

I like to keep my body lean and everything I have simple and spare. I feel closer to the Divine when I practice spareness.

[priya devi]

:hugon SianM :hugoff

I hope I will not offend you here, but I wonder:

Is keeping your body lean really a way for you to feel close to the Divine?

I hear myself in your words, trying to convince myself and others a few years ago that not eating was a way of showing that I didn't care about material things and that I wasn't greedy and attached to the material world and the material pleasure of eating. :sarcasm

It is a beautiful thought if it is sincere.

But, as my spiritual master put it, it is our duty to keep soul and body together... And the body healthy so that we can use it for good work while we are in it...

We should all practice simpleness and resourcefulness - it is our responsibility to ourselves and all living entities.

But since you post here, on a ED discussion board, I challenge you to really look into your reasons for keeping your body lean.

To starve will only make your mind dizzy and confused, and your body weak. That doesn't do much good for feeling close to the Divine.

E-mail me if you want to talk more.

I really don't mean anything bad, I just know that when I said the same thing, it wasn't really true... :ugh

Take care of you!

:rainbow
Priya Devi

[*Lissa*]

SianM,

Like Priya Devi, I want to challenge you to look into why you feel closer to the divine (what divinity?) when you restrict. I am aware that asceticism, fasting etc. are common to many religious practices but have never quite managed to understand why rejecting your physical, natural needs would make you a better person. I can understand starving in order to achieve a trancelike state, but that is not a common practice for the monotheistic religions of the world.

If you believe in a divine creator, then you probably believe that s/he created you as well, and thus your body is a divine creation and a temple for the divinity of your choice. Then who are you to deny that body's natural needs?

Starvation does not make your thought more lucid; it doesn't make you pure and more divine. It makes your cognitive processes less funtional, impairs your thinking and your ability to assess that very effect. Seeing that you post here, I get the feeling that you are justifying your ED with religion. Don't do that!

[Simone]

I don't feel that I am trying to justify my eating disorder with religion. I look about and see so much glut, and waste, and despair. When I eat less, I remain more mindful and focused (though NOT more lucid.)

[priya devi]

:hugon :sun Simone :sun :hugoff

Noone here can tell you that you eat less for the wrong reasons...

You have to decide and know your reasons for yourself.

I just wanted to make sure that you really know your true reasons...

:flower

Your post also makes me wonder quite a bit what kind of response you want from the :bowl. This is a community for people suffering from different kinds of EDs.
Noone here will encourage you to eat less to feel more spiritual...
Some of us binge, and that is not just "glut and waste". Others here starve and restrict, and that is not a way to come close to God, rather the opposite, with all the anxiety and weakness that comes with it.

Still I hope I don't sound mean. I am just curious about your reasons to post here. :cute

Remember to be good to you! :flower It is my strong belief that that will please the Divine a whole lot!

I'll always have an :ear for you.

:rainbow
Priya Devi

[geordiegeorgie]

I find this thread worrying. Worrying for you, Sian ...

Certainly, fasting and other physical disciplines have a long record of bringing us nearer to the Divine ...

... however ...

Starving causes an obsession with food that really wrecks your concentration!

I discovered that anew last Sunday. I had been restricting all week, got to church and found myself frighteningly unable to focus. All I could think about was food. God seemed miles away. My obsession was gripping me.

My conclusion ... with an ED in the equation mindfulness and clarity is easier to acheive when I eat!

Can anyone else relate to the loss of concentration and separation from spiritual things that comes from not eating?

[jadefox]

I also hear myself in your post, at a time when I was definately trying to "justify my ED with religion." I am not saying that you're doing this - it's true that only you can decide if you're eating less for the wrong reasons - only that it sounds familiar.

If you're posting here on these boards, you're aware of problems with your eating. Most people who simply like to fast to feel closer to god don't see this as disordered eating and aren't emotionally hurt by it... since you're here, I suspect that you have been. I can only encourage you to look closer at your reasoning (and with me, since my reasons WERE wrong, it was only a matter of admitting it - once again, this might not be the case with you) and realize that god would not expect you to hurt yourself to feel closer to him.

I can relate completely to the feeling of purity, though, as many people here can. It's true that not eating, or eating less, can make you feel powerful, pure, holy, clean, etc. These are the false benefits associated with most EDs, though, so when the behaviors get too extreme you have to look harder at the situation. I used to use spiritual fasting as an incentive to lose weight, and also a reason to feel guilty for eating.

Take care of yourself,
Bethe :nose

[Simone]

Fellow Fishys,
Thank you for all of your good thoughts. I took a long walk today and pondered them all.

When I am very lean, I am more cheerful and, thus, more useful. When I gain I feel dull and isolated. Therefore, I am here (SFWED) for a good reason!

I feel that my heart should be open regardless of my weight or sense of being ethereal. The food issues get in my way and definitely keep me from Enlightenment (or God, or the Divine, as you will.)

I struggle, but I am determined to overcome my stubborn behaviours and to be content with myself.

Simone:ican

[geordiegeorgie]

"When I am very lean, I am more cheerful and, thus, more useful. When I gain I feel dull and isolated."

Certainly, I can relate to that. But it is a twisted and perverted travesty of logic that our mind plays on us. Being addicted to starving releases adrenaline and all so that regaining weight is like drug withdrawal.

Surely the Divine, God ... whatever ... if he / she / it is a Good and Benevolent force ... surely would not want us to seek enlightenment in such a dangerous way.

And eventually, the mania and clarity of starvation wears away. Then just comes overwhelming obsession and physical weakness.

Please, please, be careful!

[emma lucy]

:hugon Simone :hugoff

The fact that you have posted here indicates that maybe you do not truly believe that the path you are following is purely of a religious nature.

[priya devi]

:hugon :clover Simone :clover :hugoff

Just an extra hug for you.

I am glad you opened up for us a bit. :cute

A lot of :fishy ies here have given you quite a lot to think about - and I hope you do. :flower

Know that I am thinking of you!

:rainbow
Priya Devi

[SFishy]

I hope you will keep exploring the whys behind your disordered eating... With that said I have to respond by saying that any justification of not eating in the name of your religion here is not permitted.

From our guidelines for this forum:
"Also, because this forum is in the Recovery Aquarium area, we expect posts to be of a nature aimed at working productively towards recovery... how your faith/spirituality is helping you... how your exploration of your own beliefs is going... and talking about and asking questions pertaining to the desire to recover side-by-side with your spiritual journey. Posts talking about using religion as a reason or justification to sink further into your ED will be closed. "

Take care of YOU