View Full Version : The guy who "calls" after a month. . .
11-04-2010, 08:41 PM
Am I the only one who is completely confounded by the guy who you date a couple of times and then never calls you back until far too late, a week or two or even a month? I am absolutely befuddled by this behavior. I don't get it. I understand if he is not interested and is signaling his lack of interest by not calling. What I don't understand is why some guy would text me a month after our last date when I had texted him right away letting him know that I had a good time.
I just don't get it, and I can't think of a good explanation for this type of behavior. My friend told me that a guy who doesn't call me after a month and then texts me is just dicking me around, and some guys get off on sending and receiving texts from girls. I am shocked with how much guys like to text.
Anyone know why guys act like this?
11-04-2010, 08:43 PM
Your friend is probably right.
11-04-2010, 11:48 PM
This has happened to me so many times. They completely ignore me for a week or two or a month, and then I move on with someone else and I hear from them. Then the guy is angry with me that I'm no longer available.
Well if they can't call me back then they shouldn't be angry that I moved on.
My guess is that they are dating numerous women and if a few don't work out, then they go back to someone they dated before. And I refuse to put up with that behavior.
11-04-2010, 11:54 PM
To me, his behavior communicates the idea "You should be there when it is convenient for me."
The only acceptable reason I might find for this behavior is some sort of family catastrophe, or something along those lines.
11-05-2010, 02:55 PM
My guess is that they are dating numerous women and if a few don't work out, then they go back to someone they dated before.
This. It's especially common with Internet dating. The guy goes on several dates with several different women, so he has a long list of options. When none of his other options work out, he contacts you, even though it's been several weeks since your date. Don't return his text. He sees you as a last resort.
11-05-2010, 10:42 PM
k, t, s, c,
You guys are totally right! I don't know why I didn't think of it myself. Surely, these guys are dating around a lot, so when they hit a dry spell, they hit up previous dates. It makes perfect sense. I'm no longer baffled by this behavior--just kind of appalled that they think that I would be interested after how they just up and disappeared.
The guy that emailed me after more than a month is kind of a jerk, and the only reason I wasn't REALLY hurt by his disappearing act was the fact that I really didn't ever want to see him again after our last date during which he was mean to my pet and said that he hated her twice. When he texted me, he asked about my pet, which is ridiculous since he hated my pet. Maybe, I shouldn't have responded to the text at all, but I did reply and just said that I am doing fine and that my cat probably misses him but I just assumed that he wasn't interested in me. I didn't expect to hear back or want to hear back from him, and I haven't. This guy is definitely a mistake that I made where I trusted someone too fast, so I really want to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them.
I guess that I have a hard time relating to the mentality that these guys have, because I don't go back to mediocre guys that I dated a few times. In terms of the internet, I will date someone a couple of times and then make a decision on how to proceed and it will all occur within a month.
11-07-2010, 09:12 PM
I have had this happen to me. I got a text just today from someone who hadnt spoken to me in two months. Its such bullshit and I am angry with myself for having spoken to him again when he did the same thing before. I have always assumed the reason was because they go off and date other and come back when something doesnt work out. Ugh... I have been so angry about being blown off by guys, online and one I like in RL that its hard to not have it completelty derail my sense of self worth lately...grrrrr....
11-08-2010, 07:47 AM
So, I had replied to this guy's first text saying basically that I had logically assumed that he wasn't interested in me, which I thought would end the communication, but he texted me back later saying that he had logically assumed the same. I told my brother about this interaction, and he was told me not to text back and told me that I shouldn't be angry at this guy because i shouldn't even care. I don't care about this guy and I don't want to see him again, but I find it ridiculous how he think that he can treat me. It does annoy me that he has the audacity to text me after a month when I had sent him a text saying "Thanks. I had a good time." (which was not exactly true) after our last date. From the beginning, this guy was flakey and unreliable and full of excuses. I'm not going to text him back.
I really hate the way guys want to communicate via text. It's ridiculous. In fact, I've been far more "successful" with internet dating since I started texting a few months ago. Before I didn't text ever. Guys (and perhaps women, just not me or my close friends) are so reliant on texting and it is such an impersonal, superficial, low risk form of communication that they hide behind.
11-08-2010, 10:59 AM
Yes I find that many young guys dislike the phone and will only communicate via text or IM. Actually, to be honest my grandfather and father in law dislike talking on the phone as well.
What I find it most challenging with this form of communication is that they will dodge certain questions I ask and respond to others. It's like they can pick and choose what to respond to so many times I have things that I need to discuss in person because I don't want the guy to dodge, so I always need to wait and sometimes I forget when we are in person.
Yet keep in mind that sometimes they can lose your text or miss it, so there have been times that I've been furious that a text wasn't returned and the guy had lost his phone or didn't get it (or maybe that's his excuse lol).
I had a friend tell me that a guy texted her a year after he broke up with her, asking if she was available. He probably did that to avoid her anger.
I'm not sure what the solution is to the texting problem with many guys (not all, I have one closer to my age who hates texting and always calls yet many times I can't talk on the phone with a child).
11-08-2010, 06:33 PM
Actually, I prefer texting. Not just when it comes to dating, but in general I would rather receive a text than a phone call. I don't like having entire conversations via text, but if we need to talk on the phone, I would rather get a text saying "Can I call you in a few minutes?" or "Call me when you get a chance." Because when the phone rings, you have to answer it NOW, whereas you can read and respond to a text whenever you want. It's more convenient than having a phone call interrupt your day and demand your immediate attention. If my phone rings when I'm at work, or while I'm driving, or when I'm in the shower, then I won't answer it. And so begins an annoying game of phone tag.
I know this is beside the point, but I wanted to point out that people don't always have ulterior motives for texting. Maybe some people do, but you can't assume that a guy is trying to dodge anything just because he texts instead of calls. And it's not a guy thing. I'm a woman and I hate talking on the phone.
11-20-2010, 06:04 AM
i think i just replied to another post of yours as well. seems we have some things in common!
so, firstly, good for you for not texting this jerk back. it doesn't sound like you need much advice here, since you seem to have "seen the light" so to speak with this guy, but i just wanted to pass on a saying, which is:
when people show you who they are, believe them.
i was completely into this guy who kept blowing me off, and i just didn't want to see it. my guess is that people who you don't hear from like this guy contact you when they're bored. or seeing someone else and then that doesn't work out, like the other people said.
he's not worth your time - i know that feelings don't really work that way, but it sounds like you're doing a great job of not responding to this guy and just letting it roll off you. i would suggest not responding to his messages at all. some people just aren't worth your time.
hoping you find someone who appreciates you and sees you for what you're really worth (and treats you accordingly, with respect).
11-20-2010, 09:01 AM
Thanks for the support. I haven't heard from this again, and I really could honestly care less. Ive moved on to others!
I always try to remind myself that if a guy acts like he isn't interested, then he's almost certainly not interested! But every now and then I forget that simple rule.
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